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I’m pretty sure that I’m Puerto Rican.
I can salsa-dance, I’m a good lover, and I have bad credit. I’m one Puerto Rican-flag car decal away from being a card-carrying member of the Ricky Martin community. However, I can’t speak a lick of Spanish. This may not seem like a big deal to you, but for a Latino living in America, it’s enough to make your fellow Latinos pelt you to death with Goya cans.
My childhood memories are that of being a chubby, absentminded kid surrounded by Spanish ladies who are convinced that I am the spawn of Satan for not being bilingual. When I was 15, a lady from my Kingdom Hall (I was raised as a Jehovah’s Witness; that’s what they call their churches) presumptuously launched into a rapid-fire blah-blah-blah of Spanish. She eventually noticed my cross-eyed expression and realized that I didn’t understand what the fuck she was saying. She then proceeded to make a face that I can only describe as Gloria Estefan eating the filthy asshole of a small hedgehog. “Ugh, what a disgrace,” she said. A disgrace. A DISGRACE! She fucking called a 15-year-old kid a disgrace!
I was livid. I wanted to make a fucking skin dress out of this woman. I wanted to light her on fire and leave her looking like Kevin Spacey in Pay it Forward. Instead, I did what most 15-year-old kids in the 90s did to work out their angst. I went home, blasted Nirvana’s In Utero and beat my dick off to MTVs The Grind until I fell asleep. OK, so maybe she was right. I was a disgrace.
Thankfully, my teenage years have ended and with them, the right that some people think they have to give me shit for my linguistic shortcomings. Irate church ladies have been replaced by the occasional asshole on the street asking me if I “Epeeky Spanee” and then getting pissed at me when I tell them I don’t.
“You know what Hermano, you live in America. Why don’t you fucking learn to speak English, how about that! Then you can annoy people in a language they can understand!” One day that will come billowing from my mouth, and on that day I will get to see the most confused Hispanic since Guillermo Del Toro was ejected from an all-you-can-eat Chinese buffet.
Yes, I think that people who live in America should learn English. I don’t think that this viewpoint has to solely belong to xenophobic racists from south of the Mason-Dixon. I think, to a certain extent, that the “You’re in Amurica, Speak Amurikin’” crowd actually has a point. It takes some major cojones to live in a country where everyone speaks a language and not at least try to learn it. It’s even worse to expect other people to speak your language instead. And no, it doesn’t matter that we don’t have an official language. The truth is that I’m largely indifferent as to whether or not English is the official language of the US. Suprisingly, It’s one thing that Bill O’Reilly and I seem to have in common, as can be seen in this, the only video clip of him not being a condescending, gaping, demon’s asshole.
Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&feature=fvwrel&v=xEKiSo71x3Y
Don’t get me wrong—learning Spanish is most definitely on my bucket list. But if I moved to a Spanish-speaking country, that shit would go straight to the top of the list, right above “Redhead Midget Orgy.” As a person who only speaks one language, I know that the idea of learning a second one is extremely daunting, especially for someone that’s up in years. I’m just saying, please try. Give it a shot. Until then, if you want directions around New York City in any language but English or L337Speak, leave me the fuck alone or I will kick you in your spinal cord with my size-13 Converse and Christopher Reeve you faster than you can say, “La Bamba.”
I know your pain. Yours is a Rubik’s cube which can get yellow and blue quickly while I am one that can get green and red quickly, but we’ve run around the same block in different directions, myself with the Chinese speaking community here in Taiwan.
Que?
I’m so with you on this – but then again, I’m white.
When we went to Berlin a few years ago, there was no English to be found…because it wasn’t an English-speaking country. I did my best with the phrase book (“Warum gibt es noch Juden hier?”)and sometimes, if the person knew English, they’d take pity on me…because I was a tourist. But there’s a HUGE difference between visiting somewhere and living there permanently.
Oh shit. Am I turning into Ayn Rand?
I don’t know, do you write shitty, verbose novels and have art deco sculptures falling out of your ancient vagina?
I don’t know how bad a problem this is in NY. In Oklahoma, every immigrant I meet speaks English.
It happens to me quite often.
“I don’t know, do you write shitty, verbose novels and have art deco sculptures falling out of your ancient vagina?”
*sighs*
I’m turning into Ayn Rand.
on the west coast it is a point of pride to not speak spanish. it separates the Americans of latino decent from the f.o.b. migrant workers. it shows you have more class.
I subscribed to that mentality for about 2 days, then I figured my grandparents having never attempted to learn English were the ones in the wrong, and not first- or second-generation Latino-Americans.
I do help Spanish-only speakers on the street when I see them, but they’re usually tourists. I wanted (still want) to be a court interpreter so I can’t get very angry at people who never learned English after moving here. Sometimes they request an interpreter even if they have a decent grasp on or working knowledge of English just to be sure they understand everything properly in a court setting.
I can teach you Spanish too, if you want. First lesson: “¿Qué carajo es esta mierda?” (“What the fuck is this shit?”) Words to live by.
But it’s kind of pathetic to be surrounded by Spanish as a kid and not pick it up at least a bit.
TL;DR: I think people who live in America should learn English.
Seriously though, the fools that don’t learn English, they are the ones who have to deal with the consequences. If they look at you funny because you don’t know their language, then fuck ‘em. This being said, it would behoove you to at least learn a bit if you encounter it often. Even just learning “lo siento, pero no hablo espanol” or some shit.
I grew up bilingual and learned a tiny bit of a third language at my last job. I didn’t have to but it was an easy way to bridge the gap between me and my foreign co-workers. You want different results, do things differently. It’s sad but true that foreigners will not learn English because they don’t have to. English isn’t the official language and like you, I’m cool with it. The question is how do we choose to deal with it?
Huh, an angry neo-con. What a shocker.
Of course immigrants should learn English, but not for Americans, They should do it for themselves. It would make their lives easier in so many ways.
But many immigrants aren’t well educated, middle-class hipsters, believe it or not. Having been an industrial baker for many years, I’ve worked with a lot of Latinos. One guy I remember was an engineer in Mexico. He came here and made more money as a novice baker. He spoke English well. Another guy was a Salvadoran kid whos father was killed in their civil war. He only spoke a few words of English.
My point is that it is a lot easier to learn a language if you know how to learn, and many immigrants don’t.
Used to be around here, the Mekskins only knew a few words: “Beer,” “Money,” and “Work.” They were the illegals that fat white dudes would cruise for day labor, though. Our Latino population has somewhat expanded from that, but we ain’t making it any easier for them by making all our signs and crap bilingual. And that’s all right with me.
puto americano quiere que yo hable mirada Inglés en ellos no aprender un idioma importante. mirar a su modo de vida que piensan que mejor que nosotros.
You must be lost Juan
The “Chinese speaking community” in Taiwan is just the community.
Agreed. Americans expect that the native people will be friendly when traveling and just give us their best shit-english to get us to the next bar/tourist spot. And that’s ok. However, moving to Spain and saying “Alright, fuckers…How’s the english coming along?” is a totally different case. I’m not learning Spanish. or Spanglish. or beaner. Unless I date a hot one…then its ok. I’ll learn Swahili if I can smash. Cheers!