Dear Barf:
I had this awesome ER nurse a year ago when I had a kidney stone.
I was turning on the I’m-high-on-painkillers charm and there seemed to be some sparks. I sent her a thank-you note the next day with my phone number and asked if I could take her out. She responded with a very sweet, very long text letting me know she was flattered but married. Flash-forward six months and a simple Google search reveals a divorce document in the state court records. Flash-forward six months to now. Still got her number and still got a crush on her. Acceptable to call her? Am I just upfront about how I found out about her divorce? We have absolutely no friends in common so there’s no way I could have found out absent Googling her. Does it come across as “You really knocked my socks off so I periodically check to see if you’re still married”—which might be flattering—or straight-up stalker-y. I mean, let’s face it, we’re all waiting out a couple marriages, right?
Pardon the length,
Johnny Blackhawk
Dear Johnny,
Face this, dude—none of us are waiting out for married couples. I love your honesty and the fact that you reached out before you made a decision, but what you need to face is that you’re a straight-up stalker! Just k. The term “stalker” is wildly misused (although it gets the point across swiftly). If this ER nurse was still interested in you, trust me, she would contact you. Girls don’t just forget about crushes because we’re girls. We’re as stalkery as you! Married or not, potential crushes never leave the stalker database. And also, a divorce doesn’t take six months. When you met her she was probably separated and just not into you, so she used her marriage as an excuse. Sorry if I’m being harsh but you need to focus on something new, and while we’re at it, preferably not a girl. If I liked a guy and later (or sooner) found out that he knew I was single from stalking me on the Internet, I would immediately stop liking that guy. Desperation is a skunk hiding in your bushes with a camera: Everyone can smell it and it creeps them the fuck out.
Love you forever!
Barf
—LESLEY ARFIN
Spot on. However, not all of us are “waiting out a couple of marriages,” but some of us might be waiting out one. Hopefully the thought of ‘other dudes waiting out a marriage’ slightly lessens the truth-blow you just received.
I think you should go for it. Who cares what she thinks? She can only say no, right? Then you’ll just be in the same position as you are now. Since you have no common friends, it’s not like she can embarrass you or call you a stalker in front of anyone you know. There’s a good chance Barf is right that she didn’t dig you and that’s why she said no, but maybe she just actually has a conscience about not dating someone before her divorce was final in an effort not to cause further pain and suffering to her ex. I think that by contacting her again, you’re showing you were sincerely interested and not just an opportunist. Also, I’m pretty sure if I just got divorced and if there was a guy who had asked me out in the past, I’d feel to embarrassed to text him with a “Hey, btw, I’m divorced now, just in case you want to try it out with a chick who can’t make relationships last.” I would hope he would call again and let me tell him about my change in relationship status. No need to tell her you know she’s divorced, just ask how she is or whatev, and see if she is forthcoming about being divorced. If she doesn’t tell you, she’s not interested. GO FOR IT!
pretty sure the title of this series isn’t “Ask George Eliot” for a reason.
Go for it dude. Nothing to lose
@zbow hahahaha right on.
Just send her a text saying, “Oh, funny thing happened today that reminded me of that whole kidney stone blah blah blah thing whatever fart by the way how are you?” and DON’T mention that you know she’s divorced. If she writes back at all, you know she’s interested, and proceed from there.
George Eliot is right! Johnny Blackhawk has nothing whatsoever to lose.
He can go for it he should just know that he’s going to be rejected is all. I’m probably the only female commenter.
yeah, i say go for it. caution to the wind!
Do eeeet