I met Lester about 4 years ago through my friend Holly. He was her boyfriend at the time. One night we ended up alone at my place while Holly and her friend were crashing in my bed, and we vaguely admitted that we kinda had crushes on each other.
[Photo courtesy of Titty City]
I met Lester about 4 years ago through my friend Holly. He was her boyfriend at the time. One night we ended up alone at my place while Holly and her friend were crashing in my bed, and we vaguely admitted that we kinda had crushes on each other. That’s as far as it went, and we never discussed it again.
He and Harmony broke up and she moved away. I would still see Lester a few times a year, even when we were both single, but still nothing. We have a genuine friendship and we really enjoy each other’s company. Most of the time when we hang out, it’s just me and him alone with a pile of booze, but there’s never any flirting.
Fast forward to now, and we’ve started hanging out more than ever. I think he’s the hottest piece of ass on the Eastern seaboard. Like, I’ve never wanted to bang someone as much as I want to bang this dude right now. I can’t stop thinking about him. I’ve masturbate furiously to the thought of his beard tickling my inner thighs. I don’t want to marry him or even date him, I just want to fuck the shit out of him.
A couple months ago, I started hooking up with his friend Peter. Peter’s alright, but he’s kind of a dork (he says “homeboy” a lot) and he has trouble keeping his boner. The first night that I banged Peter, a bunch of us were out at a bar and I guess Lester could see what was about to happen. He turned to me and said, “You know, I’ve always had a thing for you,” and then he got weird and made out with some other girl all night. WTF is that?! Now Lester and I don’t really ever talk about me and Peter, and I think it’s like the elephant in the room. It is for me, at least.
Peter says that Lester can talk to girls and shit, but he has trouble closing the deal ’cause he’s a bit awkward. I’ve seen some of the girls he goes after and I think I’m equally as hot, if not hotter, than most of them. Oh and also, unless Peter’s a fucking moron, he knows that I’m totally into his friend.
What do I do, Barf?! How do I turn a platonic friend into a fuck-friend? Did I totally ruin my chances by banging his buddy? Am I delusional? Should I just accept the fact that he’s not into me like that?
-HORNY IN JUNE
First of all, who’s Harmony? Just kidding, I know you used a fake name and accidentally forgot to switch it, but P.S. how hard is making up a fake name sometimes?
Anyway, you’re bugging out over nothing. This dude obviously likes you. Next time you “hang out alone with a pile of booze” just tell him that you like him and want to make out with him. It seems like you guys discuss it a lot. I feel like the both of you are being weird and insecure, and hence your hooking up with other people, creating some unnecessary drama.
Stop making out with his friend and just make a pile of booze date and you’re in. Stop being fake unsure. Read this letter again to yourself. He likes you.
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