I have social anxiety disorder and although I realize it’s totally silly and that I should just man up it’s seriously affecting my sex game.
I have social anxiety disorder and although I realize it’s totally silly and that I should just man up it’s seriously affecting my sex game. The weird shy guy thing worked wonders in high school and even a bit early on in college. But in the last year the only time I’ve bonked was when I caved in to my psychopathic ex-girlfriend whom I broke up with because I discovered she was literally a prostitute (literally – sex for shopping money). And it’s as if I’m being totally inactive socially: I go out to shows and parties and I make new friends and dance and whatnot. But I just can’t bring myself to approach girls I’m interested in for fear of creepotude. I can be witty and charming with women when I know sex isn’t an option, but when it is I become Cameron from Ferris Bueller’s. So yah, how do I become a charismatic and wellmeaning dood around pretty girls without embracing any creeperness?
Jack Palance
(actually my name)
P.S./BTW: Though I’ve never read it, I bought your book for my sister and she gave it to my mom. They both love it.
Dear Jack,
I have social anxiety too, although I think for each person it’s different. I know a lot of people with this problem and some of them go on medication and LOVE it. Have you ever considered that? If that’s something you don’t feel, there are other options. One is drinking. Do you drink? The truth is that 99% of people have social anxiety and are afraid to talk to girls so they drink when they go out and that’s that. Sure, sometimes you’ll be creepy, but that just comes with the territory when you’re a dude. Fuck it, be creepy sometimes. I can think of worse things. My ex-boyfriend stared me down in a bar in a totally creepy way, so creepy in fact that in kind of turned me on. Then we went out for 2 years. Girls want to get laid and they want boyfriends, so the odds are in your favor. The universe is trying to work with you Jack, not against you. That’s why God invented whisky. And another thing, charismatic dudes are overrated. I know tons of girls who prefer Cameron to Ferris Bueller, me being one of them. I think it’s annoying when a dude talks non-stop and tries hard to get my attention. His cockiness is just a thinly-veiled veil for his insecurities and big ego that it just makes me wanna take a nap. I prefer the quiet, smart, and mysterious man. It sounds like you’re more of that variety so my question to you is… what do you look like?
Just kidding! Eat, drink, take pills, wash behind your ears, and be merry.
And good luck too.
xx
Barf
the dude in the photo is totally serious. wow.
He looks like he’s holding his dick hostage at gunpoint.
Thank God for the Second Amendment. Obviously, this guy couldn’t have too many guns now, could he?
Machine is totally a creeper.
agreed that dude in the photo is completely sincere. also – getting drunk and dancing works too – in my experience at least – cuz girls like fun and dudes that don’t take themsleves too seriously. 99% of people can’t dance for shit so its not really expect that you be fred astaire. so when friendly fires etc. comes on, bust a move dude.
‘i have social anxiety disorder’… nayy, you’re just a pussy really.
blorf is right, just get drunk, it’s the only way.
“it’s as if I’m being totally inactive socially: I go out to shows and parties and I make new friends and dance”
what? which is it?
So the veil has a thin veil? Interesting imagery.
This is best news I’ve heard in awhile. Fuck it, be creepy sometimes (not all the time) = Fuck it, be yourself. truth. You rule Barf!
You answered your own question. Man up. There is no cure for being a pussy and you already knew it. If you never get nervous talking to hot chicks you’re a clueless D-bag. So don’t be so self righteous, you’re the only one keeping score of whether or not you acted creepy. If you offend some prude she’s walks away care free, you’re the only one upset with for betraying your faggoty Morrissey self image. If you’re too nervous to speak she’s out of your league, but lemme guess, your too vain for a girl below 7 kitties.
I bet you keep a journal.
HA! That dude in the picture is a perfect 10. He is an Amazing specimen and his existence is proof that America is great.
Get your creep on bro. Fuck up so bad that you don´t care anymore. That´s the best headspace to be in.
Gavin wrote a pretty good primer on this in Vice Guide To Getting Laid. Don´t drink or do drugs, thats lame and you can´t afford it anyways.
I´m gonna get flamed for this but you should look at what these people have to say:
rsdnation.com
You can never have too many guns. If you know how many you have, you don’t have enough of them. I saw that on a bumper sticker at a gun show. True story.
Also Jack, drugs, drugs, and more drugs. And not those sissy drugs your doctor prescribes.
Barf is da boomb
the guy in the pic looks a bit like balding Andrew WK.
unibrow!
everything she said i exactamundo.
ISISISISis
Jack, never underestimate the thrill a girl gets from a gunfuck after you’ve seriously kicked her ass at Guitar Hero™. This is what you should be aiming for. If you can subtly advertise your skills in this arena like the gentleman pictured above, you will have absolutely no problems with the ladies.
All you’ve got to do is be sure to have some Columbian marching powder on hand at all times whenever you go out. Blow trumps a cheese grater personality every time.
I’m a gay man, the men I have sex with are usually attractive and svelte … I am currently slightly turned on by this fellow and it is making me feel deeply uncomfortable … which is in turn, turning me on. WTF!?
Just don’t drink too much, cause whiskey dick and brewers droop fucking suck. Go to the doctor and just get some pills. Ativan is awesome, you’ll be pulling so much poon, you simply do not give a fuck about anything when you’ve taken 3 ativan. But you’ll probably get addicted.
People are seriously using my name in vain.
I’m surprised at all the kudos being doled out for someone suggesting you get drunk. Had you not thought of that already? I assume you live in the same world with T.V. and Movies and stuff that the rest of us do. The Ativan suggestion is more on the right track, although I’d take it a little slower. Half a Valium or a little Xanax should do the trick. It will give you a solid case of the “Who gives a fucks”, allowing you to smoothly approach anyone quite successfully. Always worked for me.
Lucky bastard. I need to give myself a pep talk and play “Eye Of The Tiger” just to go to the supermarket. I’d need R. Lee Ermey and Woody Hayes to chew me out before I tried to go out and actually meet people.
# Dork Says:
07.21.09 at 2:34 pm
People are seriously using my name in vain.
Yeah, sorry ’bout that.
Is that a glow in the dark clip on his UZI!?
Zippy! you are so right!
i have so much work to do and i’m just too tired to do it….
“Thinly-veiled veil” – Seriously? What’s wrong with his cockiness merely being a thin veil?
What I do when I feel this way is I go to all-black strip clubs (like Babydolls) where the dancers are fat and totally “hood.” Then I have these fake business cards that say I’m “Executive Photo Editor” for Black Tail Magazine. Who’s gonna call bullshit on that? It gives me way more confidence than drinking.
“Thinly-veiled veil”
C’mon, now, it’s a veil’s veiling that makes a veil a veil.
Lots of guns and a guitar hero aficionado.
That’s fucking bologna sauce dude. The shy,wierdo always finds someone. And by all means if your out for quality, shits sake quit with this fucking smoke a binger, guitar hero shit! All that routes good for is fucking a female version of yourself. Boooo!
Really good advice.
And sincere thanks for not ripping on the guy…I think we’ve all been there. Cheers
tru fact time: the creepiest guys i know get more ass than raven simone’s toilet seat. why? cuz they’re physically attractive. Hot people can get away with anything, they have never had to develop any kind of social skills.
This photograph has been floating around the intra web for a long time now. And it still makes me yearn for when I had long hair. Anyway I love the guitar hero guitars.
What if you’re sober and can’t drink or do drugs (even benzo’s and whatnot)?
Lesley, you’re awesome, but I’m a little surprised you didn’t address this possibility.
Money. Lots and lots of money.
ya i agree with What if…???
cause i cant do any of that stuff anymore. and i have NO idea what to do anymore!
“…charismatic dudes are overrated. I know tons of girls who prefer Cameron to Ferris Bueller…”
Translated: Wallflowery shattered shells of men who are prone to low self-esteem turn me on. After all, my ego is the most important person in every relationship.
You can’t do Benzo’s? What the fuck? Seriously, this is the answer, everyone can do them, you won’t “trip out”, you’ll probably get addicted, the end.
I feel super safe and warm when I look at that picture.
great post!! i had social anxiety really bad until i was about 25 or so. extacy and coke seemed to solve this problem for me at the time. i no longer do those things much but my social anxiety seemed to vanish
get drunk and let your creep flag fly? great advice dr. joyce brothers.
you are on TOP of your game mrs arfinlesleyadvicepersonlady
Skull Front’s biggest fan.
we wrote a song about him. title: gun love gut come out and play . also: lonely is a loser that’s why i’m a sniper.. that last one made us nervous. stalking and all. stay cool buddy
Buy an online membership to the Burt Reynolds museum.
^^^Institute
*most* people who are “sober”–like 12 step total abstinence sober–cannot/should not take benzo’s. again, I say *most* people, not all. yes, there are other anti-anxiety meds that have (so far) shown to be less addictive. i forget the name of one, but it is something normally given to people with extreme public-speaking/performance phobias and such, but has proven to work for some people with extreme social anxiety.
@Zippy… ahahaha
why has no-one suggested he go serial-rapist? get in them bushes, son!
been a BRIFT member for years, sweet futon.
When you can pose with everything you own on a twin-spring mattress, you truly know you’re liv’n off duh grid!
This is a high quality post filled with useful info. Thank you. Next time I go catting about I’ll be sure to do the whole creepy drunken quiet guy thing.
It worked for me. No joke. More advice; don’t bang you roommates friends when your roommate is out to get you and wrap it up.
I wish I was as creepy as that dude in the photo. That guy is so for real.
…so NOBODY is going to mention the gun fetishist’s unsettling resemblance to russell brand?!