I’ve always been interested in art. I’ve been drawings as long as I can remember, I collect art books and go to museums any chance I can get, everyone in my family is a working artist, and I go to art school.
Visual approximation of shitty artist
I’ve always been interested in art. I’ve been drawings as long as I can remember, I collect art books and go to museums any chance I can get, everyone in my family is a working artist, and I go to art school. What I’m saying is, art is a huge part of my life and I love it.
I have a normal bro-ho friend, and she’s the sort who’s only good at being pretty and popular. Nobody has ever expected anything else from her. Recently, she started dating a waaay older man with money and she’s suddenly declared herself an artist. She spends all day in his condo painting the worst garbage I’ve ever seen. It’s obvious they are her version of “what an artsy person would do” and they seem to require little to no skill to make — but she’s managed to sell a few of them!
I totally think that she’s just using her older boyfriends connections to have them sold, because nobody in their right mind would buy them unless it was a favor, but she’s constantly being told how talented she is and it’s seriously going to her head. The worst part about it is how arrogant she’s becoming. When I said something about how I wish I understood painting better, she smugly replied that all she had to do was “Google it.”
I have successful friends who are talented artists, so it’s not really a jealousy issue. I’m happy for people who deserve success. I just can’t stand this no-talent hack looking down on me because she’s sold a few paintings and I’m still in college. I get the fact that nobody expected any grand accomplishments from her and she’s proud of herself, but I wish I didn’t have to put up with so much ‘tude from a person who seriously just carelessly smears oil paint around a canvas. How do I tell her she’s not God’s gift to the art world?
-ART SCHOOL FREAKOUT
Dear Art School Freakout,
How do you tell her she’s not God’s gift to the art world? You don’t. You compete. You silently compete and work harder, longer and better until you rip her fucking head off. Revenge is a great motivator. The best motivator. Quit racking up points and worry less about her shitty work, and more about making your work less shitty.
There is always going to be someone who can paint better than you, work faster, get a better break — whatever. There will always be someone who has a bigger apartment, bank account, boyfriend, sister, pet dog, etc. You have to know this is the way the world works. Sometimes, in fact most of the time, douche bags will come out on top. The bad news is, there is nothing we can do about it. The good news is, it has nothing to do with you.
There are two options when your friend becomes a total fuck face. The first option is called “compare and despair.” Bitch about it, whine, feel bad for yourself because you think you deserve what she’s getting. That option is also called “being an entitled jerk.” Who are you to say she doesn’t deserve what she’s getting?
Maybe you need to consider that your struggle is actually a gift. All the ugly things we feel — pain, jealousy, self-pity — these are all indicators that we might be destined to lead richer, deeper lives. Maybe this is your cue to actually create something that is more profound. If googling “art” or having a famous boyfriend works for her, it sounds like her life is kind of lacking. It’s sad. What a bore to have to depend on that kind of temporary fix. But you know what? That’s her deal, her path. Respect it. Maybe even have some compassion that because she’s always had it so easy, she never got to live with a certain kind of depth. She sounds really insecure and jealous of you actually, and is clearly grasping at straws to live a less shallow life.
Which brings me to the second option, which is to take the opposite action. You don’t have to hang out with her as much for one (she’s not “making you” feel this way), but maybe you can encourage her efforts. Trust me, it will throw her for a loop. If you ask her about the art process or try to discuss your struggles with her, you are only setting yourself for disaster. Talk to another, more supportive friend about the walls you’re hitting. So she sells a few paintings? Big deal. If you think sales are what makes a painting good, then clearly you chose the wrong profession. Your whole family is involved in art and you don’t know this? The first rule of being an artist of any kind is that we don’t do it for the money, we do it because we have to. We do it because if we don’t, we will die. That’s how I feel at least.
So this girl isn’t just a painter and we’re not talking about painting anymore. We’re talking about survival. Do you want to bitch about how life’s not fair, or do you want to fight ’til the death?
I know my answer. LET THE BLOODBATH BEGIN!
We hate it when our friends become successful,
-LESLEY ARFIN
LesleyArfin.com
CafeconLesley.BlogSpot.com
Send “Ask Barf” letters / replies to AskBarf@StreetCarnage.com (include photos!)
I’ve known a lot of artists writers painters comedians who sucked. I had the drunken courage to inform two. One is (this is true) now a painter with a big Chelsea gallerist. The other is Ed helms.
congrats, you just learned the first lesson of any creative field: it’s who ya know!! maybe take a page from her book and improve your social skills and go hustle
First of all, you ARE jealous so just come to terms with it. And secondly, you’re a coward because you don’t want to offend. So isn’t the solution obvious? Write an anonymous note! Or … you could get really good at slobbing on knobs and “network” like your friend.
This is good advice. Silent competition is truly the best motivator.
The advice is good, but I think Barf sort of missed the point.
The way I saw it was less that ASF was jealous, but that she feels that her friend is so bad that it’s making her look like an idiot. ASF seeks the tact to save her friend from continuing on a path/pass-time that she’s clearly not suited for. I think ASF wishes to convey to her friend that she’s being arrogant to think she too can play and to inform her that her shit’s wack and no-one is actually taking her seriously.
How is she your friend? It sounds like you hate and have no respect for her.
Yeah, it would suck to be a painter who only exhibits at restaurants and/or bars. Your art must sew the seeds of death for humanity.
If you think the art Business isn’t a huge soul-less racket, try this one, hot off the presses:
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/modern-art-was-a-cia-weapon-1578808.html
the letter writer is jealous and probably far less attractive than her friend.
If you don’t like somebody, don’t hang around with them. SImple.
The first bit of advice is great. SPITE is always the best motivator (second only to sex) for anything. And success is the best revenge. So there you go.
the real question here is:
if youre an “artsy” type how is it possible that yore friends with a “bro ho?”
that doesnt make sense.
i work with a bro ho and even though i only interact with her a few brief times a week i cant fucking stand her with her lame ass taste in everything. the very idea of having any sort of social interaction outside our office is excruciating and taxing.
id sooner let rats chew my asshole than listen to her bitch about how dwts is a fixed because “rick fox got kicked out but not bristol palin” (actual quote)
worst of all, she has the nerve to look down on the shit im into like its garbage just because shes never heard of it- reall? its my fault you cant wrap your head around the saints?
I agree with Barf. This is about revenge but instead of making yourself better your energy is better spent trying to destroy her.
One weak spot is her boyfriend.
Take him out and you will watch her sink to the bottom.
How loyal is he?
Also, she’s your friend so you have inside access to her life to gather the information you need to destroy her.
Can she be influenced easily? A heroin addiction has ruined many an artist.
I think you should try to get closer to her. Push your shame and repulsion deep down. You are trying to destroy her.
Encourage her worst art and subtly discourage the stuff that might be decent.
A simple quick facial expression of disgust followed by silence and a forced smile works wonders after someone asks your opinion.
In my crew, I’m the friend you’re talking about. I’m the only one that didn’t go to art school and spend my entire life honing my craft. I decided on a whim to pick up some bullshit art supplies and get busy one day because I liked the opening night party pics in the back of Juxtaposition magazine. I started a website, started bragging about myself and my “art”, made some conections and before you know it, I’m getting into galleries and shows these guys have been afraid to submit work to. I’m seriously not talented; I just know how to act like I am. I’m a hack. I get stoned and throw something together every couple months that takes about two hours to make and then I sell it for a couple hundred bucks at a show. It makes my artist friends furious…although, like you, they would never have the balls to admit it to my face. When it comes to art, music, writing or whatever, having all the talent in the world doesn’t matter one bit if you don’t know how to hustle. That’s really great that you’re good at what you do, but you deserve to be miserable and jealous if you’re too afraid to “go for it.”
“Maybe you need to consider that your struggle is actually a gift. ” hearing girls say things like that gives me mad wood
ART IS FOR FAGGOTS
This is really good advice!
^ @fredMS:
I not see it on read first, but since you mention, yes! I hint you: famine is very good for compliant!
Did you know that you can become an artist to launder money? True story.
Real talk. I don’t actually know if it’s a true story but I think (logistically) it’s entirely possible.
True. The C.I.A. has used this strategy in the past. So they run the drugs, which only have value because they are illegal, and they have the art, which only has value because of pretty girls with rich boyfriends. Both products are cheap to produce and sell for high prices. Both have gone to their heads. Damien Hurst and Henry Kissinger are the same person. Drone missile strikes are paint on the canvas that is the world.
Josef Stalin is the best comment on here.
jello in rio
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NiYyegAQgO4
best. answer. ever.
Leslie you are great.
hmm i was actually thinking about this, these are pretty good answers as to how to deal with people like said lady-and talentless hack’s profile is all over the fucking city it’s true
Barf hits the motherfucking nail on the head or what these days..?!
holy shit u are so much better than clothes and selfmyspace-esque photos woman
x
favorite response to a barf question, ever. thanks.
grow up.
i love your answer barf.
it also works when you get out of a relationship.
success is the best revenge!
Talentless Hack: Total Fucking Bullshit.
What’d you get that from an episode of Head Of The Class?
learn to deal with it, this will happen to you for your whole life.
This is awesome. I love you Lesley. But one thing I cannot stand is when writers/artists say that bullshit about,”If we don’t do our art, we’ll die.” That is not true and everyone who says it knows it’s bullshit. No one should ever say that again.
But I loved the rest of the piece. So funny and wise.
“It’s obvious they are her version of “what an artsy person would do” and they seem to require little to no skill to make”
hardly any painting requires skill
“When I said something about how I wish I understood painting better, she smugly replied that all she had to do was “Google it.”
i can’t imagine how someone would say that “smugly”
stop being a faggot
Every fuckin butt plug is a piece of art in an art gallery. So if your mate moves some loose stool water around a canvas and actually manages to sell it, maybe they’re some sorta clandestine Duchamp, or maybe thats what their thing is, the point is don’t worry about it, because unless that not so niche aspect of creativity is your thing too, your mate isn’t infringing on it.
@heroin town nice.
I can’t be friends with bad artists, period. It comes down to different opinions on the world. Just don’t be pals with her anymore. It sounds like she’s getting enough support from her old man.