I’m moving to Brooklyn after living in Boston for 21 years (i.e. my entire life). Instead of asking a boring question like, “So, like, what’s New York like?”, I wanted to know: What are five things I should know about living in New York?
I’m moving to Brooklyn after living in Boston for 21 years (i.e. my entire life). Instead of asking a boring question like, “So, like, what’s New York like?”, I wanted to know: What are five things I should know about living in New York? I watch sports enough but I don’t give a shit about dude-man-bro fervent sports rivalries. My friend Julia is from Brooklyn and she said, “NEWS FLASH: New Yorkers don’t give a shit about petty sports rivalries.” Plus, The Boston Bruins mascot is a fucking bear. How can I not wear a shirt with a fucking bear on it?
P.S. I don’t know if this post will just feature a picture from Titty City, but just in case, I attached a picture of from the movie The Edge. I guess some abstract parallelism can be draw if I compared myself to Anthony Hopkins and New York was the bear.
I know you really wanted me to write back, and I’m gonna try to answer this to the best of my ability. Truth be told, I’ve lived here for so long now, I don’t even remember what the rules are for living here. So I guess, above all else, in spite of the five things you should know about living in NYC that I’m about to mention, New Yorkers are prone to contradiction and not giving a shit. It’s not apathy. It’s coolness. This can also come across as having a mean ‘tude but in fact, New Yorkers are some of the nicest people I’ve ever met. It’s the people who aren’t from New York that think they have to be mean to fit in. It’s just a certain kind of cool that isn’t like California “laid back, let’s share a doobie, stranger” cool. It’s “Nice to meet you, I got shit to do, get out of my way, thanks” cool.
Anyway, here are five things you should know about living in NYC:
1. WE LOVE TO COMPLAIN
Don’t complain about us complaining. It’s just our thing. We especially love to complain about the weather. Yes, we know the weather is better in LA. We know! We still want to complain about our weather because it’s ours! The winter is too fucking cold, the summer is disgustingly hot. During the spring, “Oh Gawd, my allergies!” Everyone loves fall.
2. IT’S TRUE THAT NEW YORKERS DON’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT SPORTS RIVALRIES
We fake it sometimes but ultimately we don’t really care. No one is even a Yankees fan unless they live in Murray Hill or the Bronx. Most of the sports nuts are transplants. That’s fine. Once every few years indie rockers and punks will decide to get really into the Jets or something, but it’s just a phase they go through and it never sticks. The same goes for politics.
3. PEOPLE DON’T HANG OUT IN OTHER PEOPLE’S APARTMENTS
I’ll go to my friend’s place for some one-on-one girl time and obviously there are some small gatherings on occasion, but overall, no one is chilling around each other’s places college-dorm-room style. We mostly meet each other for meals, drinks and when it’s nice out, just straight chill on a stoop or at the park. It’s an outdoors city even though outdoors types will have you think otherwise. The fun part of living in NYC is when someone says, “Come to Mogador, we just ordered,” you can actually make it there in 10 – 18 minutes and everything is cool. I have cried in diners to some of my best friends and still have not seen the inside of their apartment.
4. DON’T HAVE YOUR PARENTS STAY WITH YOU WHEN THEY COME TO VISIT
It’s just weird. Tell them to stay at a hotel. Also, don’t bring them out with you. We don’t want to know you have parents, dude. We don’t want to talk to your dad at the bar. This rule bends now that I’m older and parents are more in the scene, but in your 20s, just leave your parents in their hotel room eating a porcelain bowl full of chocolate ice cream from room service — where they belong!
5. WE DO LIKE DOING TOURIST STUFF
It’s true that I’ve never been to the top of the Empire State Building, but that’s only because I don’t care to go. I love doing other tourist things, such as taking in a matinée on Broadway and then eating at the Olive Garden (endless bread sticks). People here don’t think it’s dorky to go to museums or to eat at Mars 2012. However, always assume that no one is actually ever doing stuff like that and when you don’t see someone for a few weeks it usually means they just didn’t feel like going outside. We get everything delivered. We are a social bunch, but we also retreat and isolate when need be. You’ll get used to the rhythm eventually. We also think it’s weird when people have cars. But, if you are moving here with a car, can you give me a ride to the Empire State Building?
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