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I have been exclusively seeing this guy for two months. He was a good friend of mine who became more, so we have a pretty good foundation. He’s told me countless times that he really likes me, and I’m pretty sure I have the upper hand in the relationship.
(Photo courtesy of Titty City)
I have been exclusively seeing this guy for two months. He was a good friend of mine who became more, so we have a pretty good foundation. He’s told me countless times that he really likes me, and I’m pretty sure I have the upper hand in the relationship. Of course that doesn’t stop my neurotic brain from thinking he’s going to get bored and leave me.
The reason we got together in the first place was because we were sharing dating woes and discovered it would just be better to be together. His problem was that this girl he was seeing for a couple of weeks asked him “So, what are we?” and he got freaked and stopped talking to her. This goes into the problem I have now: Although we’ve made it very clear that we are exclusive, we’re not really defined as anything. A friend said I should make the push to ask him to be my boyfriend, and while I think that it would be nice to be able to call him that, I’m not sure I need to have that.
So what do you think? Do I need to make him my official “boyfriend” to make sure he sticks around, or is it OK to carry on without having the “so, what are we” talk?
Thanks!
-NON-GIRLFRIEND
Dear Non GF,
You are his girlfriend, and if you brought the word up I have a feeling he’d be like “Um, duh? I said we were exclusive.” And also, didn’t you say that you have the upper hand?
Sometimes I think we like to scare ourselves on purpose. For the sake of drama and excitement, or maybe just being uncomfortable with things being “wow, can you believe it?” really good and normal and fine. Whenever I get really scared of something I do this: So your fear is that he’ll get bored and leave you. OK, maybe he does. What then? It’s possible. Happens all the time. So then what? You’ll be sad and move on. You won’t die. You might not even care. You can replace that fear with anything. I am constantly afraid I don’t have enough money. The magazine I worked for (a dream job) folded and I’m unemployed. So? It’s hard but I’m still here. It’s not that bad at all. Certainly not as bad as I thought and in a lot of ways, better.
Every single day people lose their jobs, or get bored, or break up, or ask scary questions that they’re afraid of hearing the answer to. And then we face those fears and it’s over. So just ask him. Summon up the courage and leave the rest. If you think about the thing you are most afraid of as a possible outcome, it might not seem that scary anymore. Try it.
xx
-LESLEY ARFIN
LesleyArfin.com
CafeconLesley.BlogSpot.com
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stoicism for retards
in the face
Tell him you’re pregnant
You probably have a brain parasite called Toxoplasma Gondii that makes people more neurotic. You got it from your cat.
http://www.slate.com/id/2259350/pagenum/all/
Barf, you’re the best. This is really good advice for just life in general.
Way to go on the pic, btw. Made me click through, and I’m SURE I’m not the only one.
during sex, just ask him who’s dick that is. when he says “yours,” you’re his girl. when he says “tony’s,” that’s just weird.
that parasite shit just fucked me up bad…
Fears like these are the reasons relationships go stagnant for years and years because nobody wants to have the conversation about where their relationship is actually going.
leslie, are you into zen wisdom? you should be someone’s mom, or at least big sister. you really have your head on straight.
Wait until he goes to sleep and set the fucking bed on fire. It got me tons of cred in Hollywood.
Bullshit! Sounds to me like you both just settled because no one else promising was on the horizon. Also sounds to me like you’d bail if someone better did appear on that horizon; note the “I have the upper hand” attitude. Not exactly a solid foundation, in my humble opinion.
Huh.