I just broke up with my boyfriend. It was a long time coming, but it’s still a huge bummer.
I just broke up with my boyfriend. It was a long time coming, but it’s still a huge bummer. What’s some fun stuff to do on your own/with friends while one is mending? Make the suggestions as gay as you wanna get.
All the best,
Blue in Brooklyn
Dear Blue,
Good question. The first thing you need to do is go out a buy a pair of expensive heels. Now I know you’re gonna be all “but I’m not a heels person.” Well, if you wanna get laid, you’re one now. Buy a pair that you absolutely love. Something you might not ever buy and don’t get me wrong, they should be somewhat comfortable because you are going to wear them every single day. They should make you feel hot. (Take 2 Advil and get shoe stretch for first time wearing). This should go for everything actually. Invest in a single girl wardrobe. You wanna feel hot, look hot, and go out as much as you can. Living in Brooklyn doesn’t help unfortunately. It’s like San Fransisco II out there. It’s where dudes get boners over record collections rather than creamy thighs. I’m going to suggest hanging out with your city friends. Embrace a party top. Embrace the song “Pokerface.” Embrace your inner cheese. Call it cliche, but I’m thinking take a cue from the Real Housewives of New Jersey. Other than semi-jokey answers, I think hang out with your girls as much as possible. Have a cards night, befriend someone with a house in the Hamptons. Take a trip to Miami! Life is like an assorted Whitman’s Sampler; you have all the options in the world now, so many different varieties. Warm those taste buds up and start indulging Miss Piggy.
Love,
Lesley
This is sound advice.
Especially the heels part.
Oh, and the creamy thighs part.
I do not live in Brooklyn.
Whats with Jews and Miami?
perfect advice. nicely done as always, lesley
Everything, except the going out with normals part. Just look all hot but don’t act like you only fuck Johnny Thunders or dudes who run magazines. Look twice at dudes in the street.
This is the worst ask barf i’ve ever written
p p p p p p p pokerface.
ask barf is always the fucking worst shit on this website
Hey BLUE in BROOKLYN i just broke up with a boyfriend like 2 weeks ago!
but don’t ask me for advice because two days later i was doing it propped up against an elevator door with a very tattoo’d ass punk after leaving a rooftop party in BK. Whoops.
Oh & then i hit up a skate park in W’burg the next night for my friend’s hardcore show, went to the Levee after, got more trashed, then got laid. Yeah so what if his line was “Wanna come over & listen to records?” Girls gotta git hers.
Also, high heels? PSHHHH FUCK THAT.
Fuck Manhattan & all the Sex & the City clones with their Manolo Blahniks.
Got my vans on ‘n they look like sneakers & my game is still impeccable.
That and guys will fuck anything.
silly hoe
v good advice
I don’t entirely trust female collectors of any sort.
There’s something to be said about a girl peeling painful drags from an MCD while slackly lip synching Sam Cooke’s Bring it on Home: She’s probably an irritating whore.
Dear Blue in Brooklyn,
I think it’s time to try a different approach. Do you wanna be exactly like the rest of the sluts out the letting their baloney leaves hang in the wind for any ole cokehead douchebag to touch? What you need is find one of those underground sex clubs, like the one in Se7en where that hooker gets fucked with a samurai sword or something. You need to be tied up and hatefucked by about 30 sweaty truckers in every orifice of your body, and then you can call yourself a woman. Believe me, you’ll forget all about whats-his-face, so go ahead and make yourself happy.
If you don’t wear heels regularly and with ease then DO NOT start now. There is nothing less attractive than a girl who is visibly uncomfortable in order to look hot. Getting laid requires being willing and able. You’re a girl. If you are fat, ugly and have zero personality then please do strap two skyscrapers to yor feet.
I’m sorry I usually love what you have to say but what the fuck? Are there any self respecting women left in the world? Is the new philosophy that everytime you’re depressed, lonely, or just plain bored you should go out and get your pussy stuffed? Jesus christ why don’t you just learn to masturbate and then go have some fun you won’t be ashamed of the next day. I mean just imagine how “fun” it will be to tell your future significant other that the number of dicks you’ve been filled with is more than the number of years you’ve been alive.
@gag_order
yeah i don’t really have a problem with promiscuity, but i get really annoyed with people who think that being ultra-lax about sex makes them open minded, whereas they’ve actually just swung to the opposite end of the spectrum, and are behaving closed minded but just from a different moral viewpoint.
^^^^ haha, and you still have the glimmer of hope that there’s still a “wholesome” sparkler out there waiting for you? Ahh the folly…
Best of,
life.
Xoxo
wrong. no hard dick really gives a shit about heels.
fuck ‘em in flats,
samuel
Basically what you’re saying is “get your slut on.” If you’re lucky you might meet “Snowball”. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tpQqH4H_SUQ
heels? card night with the girls? “party top!!???” fucking really? seriously? Hahahhaaaaa!
PS. If you weren’t already wearing heels 80% of the time, then maybe that’s why you got broke up with, fool!
ultra-lax? Anybody that knows anything about me knows that I THINK a woman’s only role is in the kitchen and child rearing. PS- Lesley, I think your breath taking. I’ll give you that baby that you’ve been asking about. It will be an immaculate conception. I’ll stay at home and raise the thing! Think about it. FULL CIRCLE CONTRADICTION, Good try though you up there.
hey barf, i got jewish eyebrows too.
since when are women allowed to leave the kitchen/maternity ward?
Blue in BK — Yeah, reconnect with friends and all that. Go out, have fun blah blah blah. But what you really need to do, is start doing things by yourself. Become a woman of mystery. A lone wolf. Go out one night looking drop-dead, whether it be in heels or flats (heels!) go out looking like you own the world, ’cause you do now. Sit at the bar. Order a real drink, vodka on the rocks perhaps. Be friendly and open to all around you, but deny all advances. Leave at a decent hour. Rinse. Repeat.
PS. It also helps if you brush up on all wordly topics, re-read all of those classics you missed in HS/college, have a cursory knowledge of all in contemporary art/music/fashion and their histories, and don’t sound like a box-o-rocks when you open your mouth. With all of this you will garner intrigue. And after that, let the real fun begin.
Blue in BK – PoonieMuff’s advice will get you a bunch of new gay friends and that’s about it. However, you will be a more interesting person on the inside so if that’s what’s important to you…
“Life is like an assorted Whitman’s Sampler”
What is this…? Ask Forest Gump?
Boring advice and second rate to boot, well done Les – some more wool pulled over eyes.
Fucker!
hey she admitted she wrote crap shit happens. She usually writes good stuff so on to the next.