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A friend and I once had a drunken argument over which is worse: taking a stiff dick up the ass or sucking it?
My buddy was convinced having a hard cock in your mouth is worse because your tongue is involved. Though I highly, highly, highly, agreed, I had to point out the fact this dude who is fucking you might pull out and blow his shit all over your back. I realize this is everyday life for a woman, but trust me. The thought of another man ripping a nut over your lower torso is the most appalling, most nightmarish, most fucking murderous-rampage-deserving shit ever for another male to think of. Do homosexual men do that to each other? That’s fucked.
This all stemmed from a news story I’d recently seen. A thirty-two-year-old woman had just lost her husband to cancer. They had kids and everything, a nice little life—it was sad. Not knowing how else to keep her dead husband’s memory alive, she went out and got a tattoo in his name. She had the artist put the death date and everything. I’m all for memorial tattoos—I have some myself—but it was the placement of hers that bothered me. She went out and got a tramp stamp. She had his full name and date of death tattooed right about her ass crack, no joke. How inappropriate is that? Are we to believe this woman will never again have doggie-style sex with another man for the rest of her life? One must move on and find love once again. Never forget, but move on. With this in mind, another dude will eventually pull out and cum in this same exact location as her late husband’s memorial tattoo. This crazy cooze runs out and gets her dead husband’s name tattooed in the same spot every man she ever sleeps with will blow his load on.
Unbelievable.
Why didn’t she just dig up his corpse and piss in its face? It blew my mind not one of her friends suggested she get this tattoo in a different location. Like maybe a foot or an arm? Anywhere but the one place on her body that sees more jizz loads than Kim Kardashian’s face. That woman should have her head chopped off and her dead husband’s ghost should be the one to do it.
The point of that story was to implant the image of a woman having sex on all fours and then a pearl jam blown on her back. Now replace that woman with a straight man and you might understand where I’m coming from. Taking it up the ass is just as bad, if not worse, than sucking a dick. Granted I’d rather have my own head chopped off and kicked off a bridge before doing either, but maybe one can see where I’m coming from with my argument.
—JESSE ANDREW
When I was in high school a buddy asked our football trainer Jerry Sandusky this approximate question.
He said he’d take it in the ass cuz that can be forced but once you suck a dick yer a faggot for life.
He was a drunk and had permanently jaundiced legs yet still wore shorts short and tight enough to make a pride parader blush.
Wow, you really hate women and are probably a latent homosexual, huh?
Hey my name is “Meh,” or at least I’m pretending that it is.
This is very Big Brother. That’s a compliment!
Those skateboarders sure are a wacky bunch.