When you were a kid, you’d always hear these crazy stories about how some guy took a hit of LSD and jumped off the Empire State Building because he thought he grew wings or how some delirious teenager mistook the head of the neighbor’s toddler for that of a rabid raccoon after indulging in a potent mix of weed and uppers.

When you were a kid, you’d always hear these crazy stories about how some guy took a hit of LSD and jumped off the Empire State Building because he thought he grew wings or how some delirious teenager mistook the head of the neighbor’s toddler for that of a rabid raccoon after indulging in a potent mix of weed and uppers. While these stories are obviously bullshit, one drug actually has a dab of evidence (although probably also highly exaggerated) to support the scare tactics of grade school teachers and chain-smoking D.A.R.E. officers — that drug being PCP.

The drug has always had this weird stigma where you could quite possibly go nuts if you happen to over-consume. And not in a fetal position, head-under-the-pillow scenario, but one where you actually flip your wig.

Take, for instance, Big Lurch, a Texas rapper who shared verses with both Mystikal and E-40. After a night of smoking PCP with his best friend, Lurch was found stark naked in the street, staring at the twinkling skyline while blood slowly trickled from both his arms, which were pointed upwards, as if in worship of the moon. Once police were alerted, the investigation led to the finding of Big Lurch’s pal’s girlfriend, whose chest was ripped open, fully exposing her internal organs. To add to the horror, parts of her lungs looked like they had been chewed upon. Tests proved that there was indeed human flesh inside Big Lurch’s stomach the next day.

I’ve never been one to buy into the media’s use of sensationalism to draw in an audience, but when a DJ / rapper known to be a generally laid back character chews on an acquaintance’s lungs, there’s a tiny hint of WTF that lingers. I’m sure there are people reading this that have recreationally used PCP and are ringing a bell of bullshit that gets louder with every word, but this incident actually happened — as in, a normal dude who was under the influence of PCP fucking ate a chick’s lungs.

Which brings this story to the matter at hand: There hasn’t been a drug in recent memory that has created more horror stories than the current teenage / headshop phenomena of “bath salts.” Named a DEA drug of concern (which pretty much eludes to the fact it will be banned as salvia was a couple years ago), bath salts sprung up in the United States sometime last year and are still legally being sold in all states except Florida, Louisiana and North Dakota.

Featured on the latest Chris Matthews special (the dude notorious for busting 40-year-old creeps in search of teenage lust) and also covered by the likes of CBS, USA Today and Fox News, bath salts have seeped into the media’s ever-bubbling cesspool of hype quicker than Obama’s last birth certificate. Sold under names such as White Lightning, Mad Cow and Blue Silk, bath salts are the next-level product in an assembly line of sketchy legal highs readily made available to anyone under the age to buy alcohol.

The acting chemical, called MDPV, was originally synthesized and forgotten in the 1920s until some mad chemist rediscovered the compound a few years ago and began posting about it’s psychoactive properties in designer drug chat boards and forums. The effects have been described as a mild hybrid between ecstasy and amphetamines — which is probably also why the drug experienced it’s first boom and bust in the UK.

Bath salt usage peaked in England between the summers of 2009 and 2010. Before it was made illegal there, the drug had climbed the charts to be the #4 most popular substance of choice, right behind weed, cocaine and ecstasy. The UK press jumped all over the new trend, lamely dubbing the drug “meow” and even going to lengths of reporting on overdoses that later proved to be hoaxed. One story in the tabloid, The Sun, involved a man eating his own scrotum.

Stateside, the drug seems to just now be hitting its peak and although there haven’t been any true reports as wickedly bizarre as a man feasting on a chick’s lungs, there have been a few strange reactions and overdoses documented by our fiendishly attention-starved formal press outlets. Media hype? Probably. Even so, bath salts seem to be all the rage amongst teenage youth and anything that drives paranoid chit-chat between soccer moms has to be somewhat noteworthy. Below are ten bath salt horror stories to feed your imagination.

Story #1
Within a 24-hour time period in April, two 20-somethings overdosed on MDPV in suburban Illinois. The first died in the hospital after being found unconscious in her apartment. The second, a man arrested for disorderly conduct, began eating dirt while handcuffed and awaiting his ticket. He eventually also lost consciousness and was rushed to the hospital.

Story #2
In Ohio, a man under the influence of the MDPV fled his home after a domestic dispute and broke into a house that he allegedly thought was his own. When the police caught up with him, he was bleeding profusely from his face and pointed at the police car, stating, “Those are the guys that beat me up.”

Story #3
Another Ohio resident was checked-in to the hospital after admitting he was experiencing paranoia from bath salt usage. He was released after being calmed with sedatives, only to be found running naked in the streets a few hours later.

Story #4
An Indiana woman named Tammy E. Winter trashed her hotel room after snorting a large amount of bath salts, allegedly writing on the walls to fend off demonic spirits. She was aggressive with the police and taken to a local hospital to calm down. After being discharged, she was escorted to the local county jail, where she resumed her violent behavior and had to be restrained.

Story #5
Twenty-six-year-old Jeffery Hodge had an Easter Sunday bath salt brunch and was found banging on the doors of local residents, screaming that someone was after him. He died in the hospital a week later.

Story #6
A few weeks ago, a 19-year-old West Virginian killed his neighbor’s pet pygmy goat. Police at the scene went into the assailant’s house, where they found him sporting a bra and panties in his bedroom, with the dead goat on the floor. He reportedly told cops he’d been snorting bath salts for three days.

Story #7
In March, Ryan Foley, 25, snuck into St. Ann’s Monastery and stabbed a priest who was sleeping. The Ohio native reportedly told investigators he spent the morning snorting bath salts.

Story #8
An elderly woman in Florida was watching TV in her condo when her 48-year-old daughter barged in to the living room swinging a machete. The woman reported her daughter screaming, “You ain’t dead yet?” The daughter had been abusing the MDPV brand “Blue Silk.”

Story #9
A 20-somethings couple began stabbing the walls of their house after coming to the conclusion that there were 90 people living inside them. They had a five-year-old daughter living with them at the time.

Story #10
Police were called to the home of a teenage boy after a distress call from his parents came in stating he was out of control. After the cops arrived, “The boy struck a deputy in the face and fought his father and three [other] deputies. He was able to throw the four men off himself at one point and was unaffected by batons and tasers.” Three of his friends also under the influence were taken to the hospital with no resistance.

-SWAMI VISIONS
@SwamiVisions

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