Everyone’s favorite actor / singer/ stuntman/ blood-transfusion recipient, Benny “Wild Child” Smalls, has finally done it. After years of toiling in a shit-puddle of internet obscurity, he’s signed a three-film deal with none other than Paramount Pictures and guaranteed himself a place in history.

Everyone’s favorite actor / singer/ stuntman/ blood-transfusion recipient, Benny “Wild Child” Smalls, has finally done it. After years of toiling in a shit-puddle of internet obscurity, he’s signed a three-film deal with none other than Paramount Pictures and guaranteed himself a place in history.

Benny rose to prominence through a series of heartfelt and creative self-produced YouTube videos. The videos made the rounds in the breakcore/ chiptune circles, and soon Benny found himself the newest roadie for Passenger of Shit‘s North American tour. While on tour, Benny quickly became the band’s unofficial mascot. Every party, CD signing or buttchug the band attended, Benny was in tow. One night on the their LA stop, Benny found himself at Geisha House sitting across from Brad Grey, the CEO of Paramount Pictures. Benny, oblivious to Grey’s position at Paramount, drunkenly told Grey his life story and left the executive “wowed.”

“I knew he had something, special. That kind of something you can’t quantify or put on paper, but it was just so apparent that I knew I had to do something,” said Grey. “Seriously, it was just staring me in the face. I would have had to have dildos for eyeballs and a dish of sour cream for a chin to not notice it.”

As it turns out, Grey did not have dildos for eyeballs or a dish of sour cream for a chin. He got on the phone immediately and had papers drawn up. By the next morning at 8:30 sharp, they were signed and notarized, and Smalls was on his way to becoming the next biggest thing in Tinseltown.

No official word yet on what Benny’s to star in, but the rumor mill insists he’ll be playing opposite Jessica Alba in a saucey rom-com set in 1930s South Beach. Sizzle!

XO
-PINKY

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