Fake ass, lazy “sex scandals” in journalism are as American as fake ass politics.
Fake ass, lazy “sex scandals” in journalism are as American as fake ass politics. Where there’s power, there’s sex; the more power, the more sex. Sex is power — and all that other Seven Sisters slut-walk bullshit we already knew before we took Women’s Studies.*
In case it’s now cool to live in subway tunnels without Wi-Fi or iPads, let me catch you up to speed: Samantha Koithan — also known by her porn name, Sammie Spades [NSFW] — once interned for Hillary Clinton at her Buffalo office when Clinton was a U.S. Senator. Shocking, right? Old fucking pre-socialist America news from 2006 that somehow TMZ just broke. How do you spell Pulitzer?
Now the Lamestream™ media has caught hold of this remarkable TMZ’s lead and… oh fuck it, here’s a smattering of some the headlines:
- Ex-aide is XXX star
- Trading politics for sexy celluloid films
- Hillary’s ex-intern is a XXX porn star
- Trading politics for sexy celluloid films
- Lady and the Tramp
- Hillary Clinton’s Ex-Intern Is Exposed, While Exposing Herself
- Hillary Hired a Porn Star?
Here’s what we now know as a result of this “news”: “[Koithan's] writing speaks for itself; she could be an able English, Journalism or pre-law major, depending on where her interests take her.” And, Koithan was planning on becoming a lawyer and then going into public office — but she dropped out of school and started making sexy tapes to pay some bills. It’s a story as American as guns and beer. But we already knew that a key qualification for being political intern is dick sucking. Ken Starr taught that to all of us way back before we took our shoes off at the airport.
Personally, I do not have any issues with Sammie Spades and her professional, legal, adult choices in her legal, adult life. Somebody has to fuck and get fucked in front of a camera and crew in order for America to be America. Fuck a hater! Double fuck the mock shock of journalists who pretend that pornography is something new or titillating or — gasp! — shocking.
What is wrong with smart women (or men, what-evs) choosing the adult film industry as career? I’d rather “watch” smart pornlets than idiot pornlets. Smart pornlets have that… spark! If you can do it, do it. People should use their brains, talents and sex organs to further themselves. Two words: Sasha Grey. Nobody forced Grey or Spades or Nina Hartley into pornography. Sure, daddy issues probably helped, but it’s still neither prostitution nor trafficking nor anything else illegal.
The real scandal is how fucking hypocritical, faux judgmental and goddamn LAZY journalism has become. TMZ “breaks” a remotely interesting Spades-Clinton connection and the media run with it like it was really important.
Since my old pal Ben Leo has self-affiliated as a “humorist,” I’m gonna go “journalist” on your ass. So before I judge Ms. Koithan, I decided to conduct some in-depth journalist research into her work [NSFW]. I believe it is not only the right thing to do, but part of my journalistic responsibilities.
Here goes….
[7 minutes, 37seconds later]
Alls I have to say is this: “[Spades] intercourse speaks for itself; she could be an able fellatio, girl-girl or group sex starlet, depending on where her interests take her.”
The winner here? @SammieSpadesXXX. God bless America!
*We only took Women’s Studies classes because that’s where the women were. Doy!
Meanwhile, suburban moms are hosting dildo-shopping parties, corporate retail 80,000 sq foot sex shops like VIP (28 locations) are opening across from Wal-Mart, and porn is STILL the biggest business on the Internet. The only ppl who aren’t acknowledging that we are a sexual species are mainstream American journalists and news outlets.
I’m gonna jerk off on an American flag, and then use it to wipe up Sammie’s dad’s tears. God bless America.
She has the quaintest little website ever. It’s like a geocities site or something.
pretty sure carles owns the trademark on Lamestream hotshot
At least she became an honest whore instead of an an attorney or politician- and she chose the quickest route.
Some crooked, honkin’ schnoz on that broad to boot.
so glad you and ben leo can get married in ny now. maybe you can adopt little babies from el salvador and raise them to be as daft as the two of you.
It must have been terrifying working with Hillary.
Well it being cocktail hour I Googled some of those headlines you “found”: the most famous source is the NY Observer and two of them appear to have never been written on the internet, ever – at least as you’ve quoted them. So if you’re doing the whole straw man thing 1) why? 2) is it supposed to be funny?
If not, hasn’t Gavin shown you that the interesting argument is the conservative one? Are you trying to turn this into Gawker?
I like beer. And Black Sabbath.
Sometimes, too many times actually, I forget I’m “reading” an urban lifestyle blog called Street Boners and TV Carnage that has a 20-something readership hailing primarily from North Brooklyn and it’s only ever Ben Leo who can serve to remind me.
^^ wtf do you mean ‘urban lifestyle blog’???
this wheezing wreck of a site is for waving the red cape at all-savaging wordstruck ninnies wheresoever they may currently be a-fapping. the particular inciting content is immaterial–just so long as it provokes glandular arousal. so now you’re clear. you’re welcome.
^^ So you’re saying I should remove Street Carnage from my “Urban Lifestyle Blogs” bookmark folder then? Ok. Got it. Don’t have to threaten me with a good time more than once.
^^yes, the correct bookmark is: “Scratching Post”
@sobriety. The conservative stance as interesting and reactionary movement is over. It was funny for a minute. Now let’s go back to being intelligent.
She’s looks like a thicker, uglier (only marginally sluttier) Paris Hilton.
“Fake ass, lazy “sex scandals” in journalism are as American as fake ass politics.”
Fake-ass pseudonyms are even worse.
blah blah not funny can’t write blah anything to throw at you blah i’m a computer pussy blah blah Julius is Blognigger blah blah fart poo wipe.
JTL is the only thing that brings me here, so suck it.
@luke. Oh you’re right, I can’t believe I misunderstood such a well-written, insightful piece of work.
is she from chicago?
Great article. I just wanted to remind everyone that Al’s bitch, Tipper Gore was the head of the PMRC movement in the eighties. They are responsible for banning music, and those shitty warning labels, porn is violent to women who make tons of money off it. Frank Zappa even went to congress and handled that muther fuckin trick. The best clip is when that dried up old binny reads the lyrics to Anthrax’s “I’m The Man.” “Can you feel my anal vapers, let your face be my toilet paper” she read it in horror to congress. Priceless. It’s why I refused to vote gore.