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It’s a timely mitzvah that Street Carnage called attention to Nala, for she will soon take spiritual and cryptozoological leadership over catkin everywhere.
The previous holder of the title, Dennis Avner, has scampered off to cat-in-a-person’s-body heaven, leaving a yowling, misshapen void to fill.
Dennis, known alternately as "Cat Man," "Stalking Cat," and "Johnny Sane," knew that he was a tiger…a LADY tiger…but the public found his claims dubious, and Cat Man don’t tolerate a Skeptical Skippy. To help the people understand, he whittled his grille into cat teeth, tattooed his face with stripes, bought cat eye contacts (or borrowed some from Marilyn Manson), and implanted silicone in his cheeks, effectively turning himself into a loathsome, faggy hybrid of Morris and Madame. Some sources tell of a mechanical tail anchored in some way to his rear haunches. That’s about all we know of Dennis Avner aside from the fact that he worked as a Naval sonar technician for a while, which would explain his love of the Incredible Mr. Limpet and the tattoo of fish scales on his arms. While his final goal was to be a female tiger, whether he preferred to scratch the post or hang with pussy is presently unknown.
Why such a thoughtful and detail-oriented person would choose to commit suicide is a mystery, but it was his/her call and he/she made it. A friend of his did so blog the claim that, "he was at times as troubled as he was remarkable," which is confusing because it either means he wasn’t troubled at all, or "at times" means "all the time" and he was remarkably troubled. In any case, your chance to buy a bowl of milk for whatever you want to call Dennis has passed. It’s all up to Nala now.
While I’m sure good ol’ Nala will serve as a beacon of inspiration to catkin everywhere, let us never forget the one who paved the way. Dennis Avner, shine on, you crazy diamond…shine on, you absolutely fucking batshit crazy diamond.
—LORIN
Leaving a comment dissing an article that’s dissing the dead guy that thought he was a cat is a bit too easy.
“whether he preferred to scratch the post or hang with pussy is presently unknown”
I would very much like to know.
We lost a giant.
Giant dumbass.
Why such a thoughtful and detail-oriented person would choose to commit suicide is a mystery-he was obviously insane you idiots
The King is dead, long live the king.
http://bbs.chinadaily.com.cn/thread-690948-1-1.html
I don’t see any problem with that sentence from the blog and your explanation makes absolutely no sense. Please explain your position further or I will be forced to reveal my hand.
Your turn.
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