Green Day singer Billie Joe Armstrong wears eye makeup, says “fuck,” smashes his guitar, and performs other extraordinarily punky feats.
We’ve never been exactly sure what a “Green Day” is—is that when you plant a lot of trees?—but it’s a happy, happy day for anyone who has ever hated the boys who put the “pop” and “pussy” and “poseur” and “pathetic putz” in “punk.”
Green Day singer Billie Joe Armstrong, who is just a tad under three feet tall and has been practicing a British accent for a quarter-century now, shit his diapers onstage Friday when some very wise entity—possibly God himself—cut his band’s set short to make way for taller musicians with better abs such as Usher.
In Armstrong’s highly articulate words:
“Give me a fuckin‘ break, one minute left. One minute fuckin‘ left. You’re going to give me fuckin‘ one minute? Look at that fuckin‘ sign right there. One minute! Let me fuckin‘ tell you somethin’. Let me tell you somethin’. I’ve been around since fuckin‘ 19-eighty-fuckin’-eight. And you’re gonna give me one fuckin‘ minute? You gotta be fuckin‘ kidding me! You’re fuckin‘ kidding me? What the fuck!? I’m not fuckin‘ Justin Bieber, you motherfuckers!”
Then it took him roughly three hours to smash his guitar, during which his bass player also started smashing his bass, naturally because it was the punk thing to do.
Yesterday the band released a statement on its website claiming that Armstrong was entering rehab for “substance abuse,” which allegedly includes alcohol and prescription medication.
He’s been around since fuckin‘ 19-fuckin‘-88. That’s far too fuckin‘ long. Two fuckin‘ dozen years too fuckin‘ long, to be fuckin‘ exact.
Just to milk every last bit of green from their gullible fan base, Green Day is set to release three separate albums over the coming months. What could possibly be “punker” than for Billie Joe to escape rehab, suffer a severe relapse, and choke to death on his own vomit before all three albums get released? We can’t think of anything that would be punker than that. Then again, we’re open to suggestions.
You’ve gotta be Fackin’ Jeyoaukin”
I hate it when my dad-rockers sound too much like my porn stars.
Punks not dead
The band was named by teenage stoners.
He is not punk yet…
I guess this means we can all look forward to a post-rehab album full of songs about his recovery, reminding us all what life is really about. Maybe they even can do a tour with Social Distortion.
Punk might not be dead, but it sure does smell a bit funny
Tuesday is Soylent Green day: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Soylent_Green
JG, if I didn’t already enjoy your writing THIS article would have me bought & SOLD!
Loved it! Green Day is great punk rock for 2 day old punk rockers!
Brilliant! Another article that turned my frown upside down!
“I’m not fuckin’ Justin Bierber”, yeah and you sure as hell still aren’t the fuckin’ Clash or The Buzzcocks either.
What’s being lost in all of this green day meltdown/rehab stuff is that by cursing out his corporate overlords in clear channel, Billy Joe fake cockney accent Armstrong actually experienced his first authentic punk moment since 19 eighty f@cking eight.
this is the same as when Larry Sanders had to admit to having a pill problem because he was pissed at the network.
Pleasegooncelebrityrehab pleasegooncelebrityrehab…
With Dr. Drew’s success rate rapidly approaching Mengele velocity, that could only end badly. And by “badly” I mean well.
Green Day’s most popular song is a pissy ballad. I always thought a final song at a high school dance shouldn’t be one by a band claiming to be punk…
“Alright, snowball dance…here’s the Sex Pistols”.
In total honest sincerity, i believe that this guys display on stage is exactly what punk is.
He is 40 yrs old. go home. be rich.
“Mengele velocity”
I guffawed.
“..I’m not fuckin‘ Justin Bieber..”
You got that right Billie. In a one on one with Bieber, you’d be the fuckee.
I’m with Billy.
Cut the dude some slack, Dookie kicked ass and was as punk as i could handle at like …10 years old.
its apparent that every cunt needs to take a deep breath and try fucking relaxing.
Or making a real fucking difference. whatever.. who gives a shit anyway.
The whole countries fucked. Good luck with that.
That didn’t too excessive. Wonder how the Dwarves would have reacted…
Green Day is the Sha Na Na of punk.
Green day means a perfect day. Taken from the school classroom card system of red, yellow and green cards. You start with a green card, but if you do something wrong the teacher tells you to pull a card, thus exposing a yellow card(warning!) and you can eventually put the green card back and end the day with green. Or if you are really naughty you pull another and end the day on a red card. The band Yellowcard also stole from this to name their shitty band…
who is this asshole?
I smell middle-class entitlement mentality. What a jackhole—even his bandmates apologized for him.
I hope he’s having the time of his life.
As a sometimes punk rock poser it’s about how it comes off on video. This one sucks. He wanted to be David Lee Roth so bad here, I pray I never do this.
The most punk thing I saw in Oakland so far was a hipster, impersonating a biker and sailor from the deep south with outer space elements, reject any of Subway’s offerings because the help couldn’t name today’s special with any sort of reasonable reaction time or clarity.
You guys need to get a life, especially the douche who wrote this shit… I’d love for you to read this blog out to a room full of Green Day fans… See how long you last
hey, Billie’s a small dude, but he could probably kick your ass… My thoughts, take a long look at yourselves before you talk trash about somebody you don’t even know 
Please set up a room full of Green Day fans for me. I’ll kick all their asses at once.
http://www.jimgoad.net/images/beatenpath1.jpg
http://www.jimgoad.net/images/oldandsickly.jpg
my vagina looks like the opening of a cornish hen. you know the part where you put the stuffing? yes, that’s what my twat looks like. if you don’t like it, you can SHUT THE FUCK UP. FUCK FUCK FUCK. FUCKETY FUCK! WHERE’S MY MEDICATION?!
excuse me? I tried to give BJ a BJ, and he refused me.
i give amazing BJs, but BJ refused me because I’m too ugly
Please please do Billie Hoe!!!! (he is not only a douche but a cheat and a total pervert). Soon, please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Go die!!! or F.O.R – Fuck off and retire……
Are you fucking kidding me right now. Are you fucking serious. You’re making fun of a guy for sticking up for REAL music. ARE YOU FUKING KIDDING ME. obvious you have NO taste in REAL music! What the fuck is wrong with you?! Ushers the gay faggot who created Justin Bieber! I hate you. All of you. Fuck you all. Green Day kicks ass. And it would kick yours if it had the chance. So fuck you.