When my friend is having sex she gets SO THIRSTY and has to stop and get a drink of water or she just closes her mouth and, in her words, “ends her life
Dear Drew,
I have a 3 part sex question for DREW! about interruptions during sex
when my friend is having sex she gets SO THIRSTY and has to stop and get a drink of water or she just closes her mouth and, in her words, “ends her life.” she cant enjoy it after she gets so thirsty. is there a way to drink water and not ruin it all?
meanwhile, when i’m fucking i feel extremely good and then suddenly i have to pee or my leg hurts or something and i just dont know how to say “this has gone on long enough, could you come already? this is if its been happening for like 20 minutes, str8 up intercourse. is there something wrong w/ me that i dont want to fuck for more than 20 minutes? i lose my focus.
also, do guys think its boring when you want to stay in one position, like doggie style, for the whole time? i mean, if it works it works right? i dont want to be BORING but i know what i like.
Sincerely,
Three
Dear Three
1. Being super thirsty during sex is sort of like being thirsty while rolling on E. You don’t want to drink (or do anything really) because dancing (fucking) feels soooo good. But you have to, otherwise you die and become a statistic for NIDA. So just pretend you’re on Ecstasy and scream out “HOLY SHIT IF WE DON’T TAKE A BREAK I’M GOING TO DIE FROM CUMMING SO HARD.” They’ll feel like a stud and you’ll get throat lube. Easy.
2. This sucks because guys somehow got it into their heads that the longer they fuck=the better lay they are. I mean, some guys just can’t come fast and that sucks for them, for that go in the bathroom “for a minute” and stay in there for however long it takes his boner to go away. Or if you can tell he’s holding it in because he slows down or pulls out, say “If you don’t cum in my ____* right now I’m going to fucking lock myself in the bathroom because you are tearing my shit up.” Then just claim you have a UTI for the rest of the relationship.
3. Every position is boring after awhile except doggie style. But girls aren’t biggest fans of that because it makes our boobs swing like udders. But it’s awesome when you slap us on the ass.
*Your preference of holes, I’m assuming? Maybe spice things up and let him pick.
Oh ho, there’s a very little joke at the end of this one.
drew’s the bomb
My girl and i also have Problem No. 1. Our solution is get one of those camel packs that long distance runners/bikers use and put it under your pillow and you can suck on that thing all night long. Water breaks are good to though. Gives you a second to compose yourself and get back at it.
Forgive me for sounding like “When Harry Met Sally”, but you’ve obviously never had great sex. When I’m having great sex, and it’s clear that she is too, she says things like “I don’t want to ever stop”. And we’re both so exhausted, but we just keep it going, even at a whimper of how it started out, and it’s totally mutual.
Any guy that has enough sex knows that chicks like a quickie too, and that sometimes they want that quickie in the bathroom, etc., if you lead her to believe its spontaneous (and not something you’ve been calculating all night). So, if he hasn’t been around the block yet, and you want him to figure these things out, you’re going to have to have a lot more sex with him.
Also, keep a water bottle by the bed. It’s fun to take a big swig and spill it all over the place and then get back to business. problem solved. where’s the creativity, girls?
And yes, one position is boring. Ladies, I know you’ve seen enough episodes of Sex in the City to feel like it’s all about you, but guess what? There’s someone else there and he wants to enjoy himself a little too. I’m not saying you have to re-enact the kama sutra every time you get down, but just go with the flow. These things have a way of happening on their own. Oh, bad news . . . if a guy’s boner goes away without cumming, it will probably come back a lot sooner than you want it to.
Last of all, why do all girl’s solutions have to involve lies? Stuff like this is the reason why REAL advice columns exist . . . you know, the ones that say, “Why don’t you try talking to him/her about it?”
On the plus side, for once, this doesn’t read like a car stuck in a snowdrift.
I have an idea. How about Drew brings a dude on board and y’all can make this a he said/she said kind of thing. That way, we don’t all get pummeled by just one (wildly incorrect) point of view.
Andre Gide is a virgin
Andre Gide has never been with a woman that has not faked orgasm.
if a guy takes more than 15 minutes, i order him to stop. anything more is too much and tells me that he thinks drilling = sex.
ideally intercourse should only make up a small percentage of the sexy times. think of sex like a tapas meal. small servings of a bunch of freaky things.
she says things like “I don’t want to ever stop”.
who says this?? nobody says something like that unless they’re acting. jesus, men are so fucking dumb. if a woman is into it you’re only going to hear gutteral moans and screams and the only thing she will be saying, if you’re amazing, is shit she would never say if she weren’t in the throes of ecstacy (i.e. filthy smut talk that would make porn producers blush).
and men, stop pretending you care about women. be honest! it’s only your ego that makes you want to drive her over the age. underneath it all, you’re all still cavemen then want nothing more than a willing hole to bend over the nearest rock when the mood hits. once men accept that truth about themselves, and that women are into honest sex too, then they can talk about “great sex.’
“Forgive me for sounding like “When Harry Met Sally”, but you’ve obviously never had great sex. When I’m having great sex, and it’s clear that she is too, she says things like “I don’t want to ever stop”. And we’re both so exhausted, but we just keep it going, even at a whimper of how it started out, and it’s totally mutual.”
Very glad for you, but personally if i fuck for more than 10 minutes more than once in a night, peeing becomes a really painful activity for the next 7 days. And sex is associated with UTI and not orgasm. So just let girls be and try to squeeze your balls in those 10 minutes, otherwise they dump you.
obviously none of these people are married nor ever will get married cos they don’t know what the fuck they’re talking about
“….and yeah, the cock goes in this one hole- and if she’s okay with it then perhaps maybe these two other holes OVER HERE; OR MAYBE all three at the same time!”
dum shits
#1 you should wear one of those football helmets with the beer holder on the sides. She’s prolly bulimic tho. Ew
#2 that guys a dummy, the quality of the orgasm provided determines the stud level to be assigned. 2 mins if 20 mins if she squirts and screams daddy you = winnar.
#3 If doggie style works why not let him do what he wants for a while and finish then finish off that way. take fucking turns, literally.
“Every position is boring after awhile except doggie style. But girls aren’t biggest fans of that because it makes our boobs swing like udders. But it’s awesome when you slap us on the ass.”
Talk about hitting the nail on the head. Its so great to realize other girls are like me.. I always thought that I must be lame in bed because, as stated above, I believe that sex should be like a tapas meal.
unless you like being slapped around, you ARE lame in bed.
“ideally intercourse should only make up a small percentage of the sexy times. think of sex like a tapas meal. small servings of a bunch of freaky things.”
This makes me want to BARF all over your keyboard!
Somebody take me. Please.
Andre Gide suffers from priapism.
fired.
“This makes me want to BARF all over your keyboard!”
two girls, one keyboard. ain’t nothing wrong with that either.
Dude, seriously, Andre Gide had some good points…all the vibing going on about his post in succession with different names makes me feel that maybe Drew is “Andrew Gide’s virginity”, “Anon”, “habitual drug user (the original)” and the other “anon”. Or they’re all “habitual drug user” which would make total sense if it’s someone who feels the need to brag about their drug use on the internet.
I mean, clearly Andre has been lied to if a broad is telling him “I don’t want to ever stop” but that just further supports his case that girls use too many lies when sex is involved. The lies just create more problems…I mean running to the washroom waiting for his dick to go limp? That’s going to make the guy feel like shit and make him think you’re totally fucking weird and have some medical condition. If you feel like you have to pee, chances are he’s hitting your gspot and you really just need to cum. Let that shit fly, it will be a lot, but it wont be pee and it wont stain sheets…it will feel good too.
Just wikipedia “female ejaculation” for more on that. Girls that can do it insist that it felt like they were going to pee at first until they just let it happen.
Lastly, it might be good to bring a dude on board so we don’t get this ridiculous bullshit answer anyone could find on jezebel or cosmo.
Andre Gide gave too much away…
For..
“I have an idea. How about Drew brings a dude on board and y’all can make this a he said/she said kind of thing. That way, we don’t all get pummeled by just one (wildly incorrect) point of view.”
Actually read…
“I have an idea, why don’t you ask me to contribute as a sex aunt (Agony aunt? Sex blogger… what are they?) and I can pretend to myself that I know what I’m doing.”
Fuck. I don’t know if there is anyone in the world who can give good sex advice.
A girl asked me to PUNCH her in the stomach when we were doing it once. I have no idea what I should have done, but punching her tit was definitely not the right thing to do.
Is “Bring a dude on board” gay code?
THIS IS BETTER THAN ANYTHING ELSE ON HERE
i love you, drew
Atheist sucked my clit and I hated it.
I’m with Donald Brashear’s Grandson. If you read the comments on this site, the chicks are never as snippy as this. So all the hate is definitely a red flag . . . Especially given Drew’s trackrecord commenting on her own posts. Girlfriend usually can’t help herself. Where is she today?
polish landlord is part of the problem, not the solution. the fact that he thinks the “hate” is coming from the author, instead of from other women who think that idiots like Andre need to wake up from their delusions of grand sex, proves that men have enormous ego and don’t want to believe that a good number of them fucking suck in bed and that women are frustrated by their lack of ability and self-awareness.
here’s a truth for you to chew on: most women do not only barely tolerate you clueless men in bed, they are grossed out by the group of you who think you are good but suck and can barely contain their disgust through their gritted smiling teeth. how so many women can remain polite in the face of what they are exposed to is beyond me. maybe they want the relationship so bad that they are more than willing to trade-off good sex for it. some of these women, when the relationship ends, go on to become the “bad lovers” that men moan and groan about, not realizing that they helped to create her. frankencunt. why should they try hard after a night with the likes of you? or after enduring numerous bad lovers like you who think you put it good to her? vile arrogance. do you know how hard it is to teach a person that thinks they are good already? that’s like trying to teach a borderline retard who is under the impression he has nothing left to learn. the only ones that can be taught some things, the trainables, are the ones who already understand that they suck in the first place and, honestly, if you have to teach one it’s very hard to stay interested beyond the lessons learned. at the very least that guy can go on to have better sex with the next poor lass that will politely put up with all else that is still lacking in the beaudoir. much like being funny or athletically able, you’ve either got it or you don’t. and most of you don’t.
if you have even the smallest doubt that you might not be great in bed, you’re not. trust in that. men who are amazing in bed will not stand for bad sex. they boot out bad lovers without a second thought. if you are putting up with anything less than amazing sex, you are doing so because you are not good in bed. women who do so, they just want a meal.
Shit. Muskawo – you told me you didn’t want it to ever stop.
…and there was I thinking I was some kind of Andre Gide in the bedroom.
Shucks.
@ Donald Brashear
My handle isn’t me bragging about anything. I’m simply stating a fact – I habitually use drugs. Here’s another fact: You’re a faggot who writes comments that go on for longer than 2 paragraphs. And while I started the Andre Gide-isms, I am sadly not the mastermind behind carrying it any further than my own comment. Though I wish I could take credit for the comedy that is “Andre Gide’s virginity”.
To recap:
Andre Gide still refers to making out as “getting to first base”.
Just keep a glass of water by the bed. Duh.
I was going to write my opinion for all to read but I realized if it carried on for more than two paragraphs I’d become a faggot! True story, some jackass told me so.
Postal Script; “Polish Cock” is very clearly a man-hating dyke who in all likelihood hasn’t come out of the closet. Her argument was flawed from beginning to end. To all heterosexuals who took any word of her rant to heart: You may be gay too. Just write me a response in under two paragraphs and we’ll find out.
@Legal Tender
being gay really is the ultimate insult, isn’t it? score one for the fucking imbecile. don’t worry, you can keep lying to your partner about how great the sex is and nobody will ever be the wiser.
someone once told me “u best make love like jesus”, that is that the sex doesn’t matter as much as the overall experience which better be one of complete honesty and love. then the sex will be as good as the love. this person also said that one excellent way to show that you love someone is to lick their ass.
I squirt almost every time I have sex and it is awesome
For me risk is…Essential!!When I was younger, I didn’t give it much tghuhot life was just an endless sea of opportunities!!! Risk?? Well, that was just part of the territory… that is, if you wanted to “live life”. As I got older, had children, responsibilities, etc, I became a bit more cautious; a little more tghuhot, a little less “spontaneity”, a lot more planning, and a lot less “risk taking”! Until I realized that, although yes, risk has the potential that the chosen action or activity may lead to a loss, almost everything we do carries some risk, and if we do not step out of our “comfort zone” and take the leap, then we’re just cheating ourselves of what “could be” and might as well resign to a life of “what if”!!! There’s no guarantee that not taking risks is going to lead to a smooth, rock steady life; Life will still throw you those curve balls ( some a bit bigger than others). I’m not saying, go ahead and live recklessly, but go ahead and do take a chance, believe in yourself, be a participant and do not settle to always being the spectator!!! You just might discover the best ride of your life!!