It’s hard to find love in this city. I know this, because all my female friends bitch and moan to me about it every chance they get.
I see immersing yourself in the dating pool in NYC as a good way to get yourself beheaded, or at the very least, emotionally bashed about the heart and brain with a blunt statement.
When it comes to love, I’ve been relatively lucky, if you want to call it that. I never have trouble finding attractive—or at least temporarily sane and productive—guys to give me the old salami sandwich, and I’m good at keeping them around for a while due to a combination of low expectations and the patience of an art teacher. OK, so my last boyfriend was a complete sociopath in my opinion. I escaped relatively unscathed, except for the memories, which I can’t erase, no matter how much bleach I pour into my eyes. Damn memories.
A lot of people are on OK Cupid, Match.com, JewDate and other websites that supposedly hook up clean, normal-ish penises to sane, relatively attractive vaginas. But what about Craigslist? A lot of the same people are on it as the aforementioned sites, and it’s free. I’ve had a lot of good luck in CL: finding couches, extras for my videos, and hilarious internship listings written by people who are completely out of touch with the world. So I returned to CL once again to find dates for some of you ladies.
Keeper #1: Emotionally Sound Seeming Male
Wow, can anyone say subtle racial overtones? Regardless, this seems like almost the perfect situation for a single black woman. “A” educated late-30s loving husband and all the free underwear you can handle. I wonder if it’s OK to bring the kids?
SEEKING A SINGLE BLACK FEMALE TO SWITCH PLACES WITH WHITE WIFE
Hello,
I am seeking a loving, curvy, single black female who would love the idea of switching places with my white wife. Become her, slip into her shoes literally, assume the marriage from her as she knows about you becoming her,
Come over and slip into one of her dresses and put on the wedding ring, then we can go out as husband and wife.
you will love it as you get a educated late 30′s loving husband. and she has to watch as you take it all away from her.
learn her voice, I want to watch as you walk around the house wearing her now yours panties and bra and give me a kiss as my wife.
become her totally, assume her life as she watches and knows it happeneing
Bachelor #2: The Scribble Twins
There’s a lot of married dudes out there looking for love or something like it. I like this one, because you’re not sure which one is your guy—is it the one whose entire body is artistically rendered out of the photo—the one with the very pointy wanger? Or is it the other guy whose giant arms are so buff that it’s like he’s permanently carrying an invisible sack of potatoes underneath each one? Either way, this photo was taken 10 years ago. I also like a man who is to the point.
Married looking for a spark – 42
If your married and in the same situation, please reply with a picture.
Fellow #3: The Foot-Sniffer
When I was in college, I used to sell my old socks and panty hose to men through a foot fetish website. It was kind of embarrassing, but a girl’s gotta eat. And it seemed like a no-brainer—my old ripped panty hose for $100? Yes, please. Friends said things like, “But you know they’re masturbating with them, right?” But I didn’t care if they’re putting them on and dancing around their house rubbing doodies on the walls. Once I dropped them in the mailbox, it was no longer my business. When I was 19, $100 might as well have been a million dollars.
But I like that this guy is normal. And he doesn’t even seem to want any pesky sex or anything on any emotional level at all.
Pay to smell your feet, flats, shoes, etc – 28
Normal guy with a foot fetish looking to smell some feet and flats 
whatever footwear 
Easy money!
And there you have it, ladies. Next time I’ll pick a few for the fellas. In the mean time, be safe out there. Remember—serial killer Rodney Alcala was on The Dating Game.
emoticons seel the deal
It’s a lonely world even though it’s full of people.