Today we fired our blog editor for quitting.
Today we fired our blog editor for quitting. We are a very tolerant bunch here at Street Carnage, but saying that you can’t do this anymore because you have a new job that pays real money is a deal-breaker. Here’s how the conversation went:
ARV: Hey man, I have something I need to talk to you about.
My job is now full time and it pays about five times what you guys pay, so I’m left with no choice but to—
You’re fired. Pack your shit and get out.
That’s why I was calling. I can’t do this anymore.
Yeah, We know you can’t. You got fired. Fired people can’t do shit at the place they used to work at.
But I still can contribute writing….
Uh, sure. Yes.
OK, so that’s what I was going for.
Then he hung up. Later that day as he ran away from us down the street, we kept chasing him to remind him that he was fired and didn’t quit.
So that’s it. The end of the Arv Era (AE). Arv ran the blog from the beginning of 2008 until today. He thinks he can’t be replaced, but just like there’s a dildo for every dick, we’ve already found a substitute. We’ve hired a girl we’ve been grooming in the backroom for many weeks — and when I say “grooming,” I obviously don’t mean in the biblical sense. She’s a law student who always wanted to be a writer but figured it would be smart to “Have something to fall back on because I’m not just a stupid, semi-autistic dreamer.” She’s using the pseudonym “Jenée” because she wants to have a career after Street Carnage (I know: Insulting, right?), but mostly because she thinks it’s funny. Here is her manifesto:
I am so excited to be taking over your lives. Before we get started, I’d like you to know some things I will be enforcing with an iron fist:
1. No more politics. I don’t care if a nuclear bomb hits OWS. I don’t care if Newt Gingrich gives birth to a baby from out of his ass. I don’t want to hear shit about it again. Stay to the left and the right while I push you out of my way.
2. More beavers. I may be a slut but I’m not stupid. Girls are prettier than boys, so I’ll continue to show them naked.
3. If you send me pictures of your dick, I’ll send you to jail. (Unless it’s really big.)
4. In all correspondence you will address me as “Miss Jenée,” and if you fuck up the accent mark, I WILL kill you.
5. More chicks. This site has turned into a college boy dude-fest. I’m going to get my friends to talk about their cooches. That’ll be good. I think I’ll let my brother Mark post too. He’s a punk in med school. He’ll be “Jenée’s Brother Mark.”
So, if you want to contribute to the New & Improved Street Carnage email me at jenee AT streetcarnage.com (no accent on the e).
Here we go!