Today we fired our blog editor for quitting.
Today we fired our blog editor for quitting. We are a very tolerant bunch here at Street Carnage, but saying that you can’t do this anymore because you have a new job that pays real money is a deal-breaker. Here’s how the conversation went:
ARV: Hey man, I have something I need to talk to you about.
SBTVC: What?
My job is now full time and it pays about five times what you guys pay, so I’m left with no choice but to—
—YOU’RE FIRED!
What?
You’re fired. Pack your shit and get out.
That’s why I was calling. I can’t do this anymore.
Yeah, We know you can’t. You got fired. Fired people can’t do shit at the place they used to work at.
But I still can contribute writing….
Uh, sure. Yes.
OK, so that’s what I was going for.
Whatever.
—
Then he hung up. Later that day as he ran away from us down the street, we kept chasing him to remind him that he was fired and didn’t quit.
So that’s it. The end of the Arv Era (AE). Arv ran the blog from the beginning of 2008 until today. He thinks he can’t be replaced, but just like there’s a dildo for every dick, we’ve already found a substitute. We’ve hired a girl we’ve been grooming in the backroom for many weeks — and when I say “grooming,” I obviously don’t mean in the biblical sense. She’s a law student who always wanted to be a writer but figured it would be smart to “Have something to fall back on because I’m not just a stupid, semi-autistic dreamer.” She’s using the pseudonym “Jenée” because she wants to have a career after Street Carnage (I know: Insulting, right?), but mostly because she thinks it’s funny. Here is her manifesto:
Hey, faggots!
I am so excited to be taking over your lives. Before we get started, I’d like you to know some things I will be enforcing with an iron fist:
1. No more politics. I don’t care if a nuclear bomb hits OWS. I don’t care if Newt Gingrich gives birth to a baby from out of his ass. I don’t want to hear shit about it again. Stay to the left and the right while I push you out of my way.
2. More beavers. I may be a slut but I’m not stupid. Girls are prettier than boys, so I’ll continue to show them naked.
3. If you send me pictures of your dick, I’ll send you to jail. (Unless it’s really big.)
4. In all correspondence you will address me as “Miss Jenée,” and if you fuck up the accent mark, I WILL kill you.
5. More chicks. This site has turned into a college boy dude-fest. I’m going to get my friends to talk about their cooches. That’ll be good. I think I’ll let my brother Mark post too. He’s a punk in med school. He’ll be “Jenée’s Brother Mark.”
So, if you want to contribute to the New & Improved Street Carnage email me at jenee AT streetcarnage.com (no accent on the e).
Love,
JENÉE
Here we go!
-SBTVC
tits. btw.
wow- bad to worse.
You’re Fired!
So chelsea is renee? And the stripclub is lawschool?
This site craves discipline.
Wow you’re edgy and totally not in a morning zoo, E Chanel party special way at all… Can you say cooch and tits a few more times, because the frat bro’s, who you’re pretending not be courting by putting them down with that inside wink and a nod, love that shit.
Forty tipped for Arv.
TITS OR GTFO!!!
You are far too impressed with yourself.
Jesus, what a rack!
So, no politics? Does this mean Gavin isn’t allowed to write any more rants? Julius T? Ben? Will there be writing or just a bunch of beaver shots? Because, damn, that will really bring the girls in!
A Girl.
Shut up and edit
Awesome rack!
Finally, I can start commenting again.
Seems legit.
Arv sucks! [for old times, son]
Kind of turned on.
ARV IS A FGT
Lets see those, hon.
All these fictional characters are gav btw
@Gary: I’M A REAL PERSON, GOD DAMMIT.
sweet! for some reason this site has been my favorite since it’s inception i think…kind of lame right, i always check it on my off days and read most posts. maybe i just have an addictive personality or maybe its good but anyway, lookin forward to new fun stuff (that is if you bring new fun stuff). im also slightly mentally retarded
Awesome. Maybe I won’t feel (so) ashamed to read this site. Get it girl.
Did we scare off Jen forever? I’ve only masturbated to her tits three times already.
WELL ALL YOU FEMINAZI’S AND NYC LIB’S NEED TO TAKE A LONG AND STRONG LOOK AT YOURSELF AND ASK YOURSLEF THE ETERNAL QUESTION WHICH ONCE ASKED BY IAN MACKAY OF THE THRASH-PUNK BAND BLACK FLAG, “WELL WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU DONE”??
WELL GAVIN MACINES HAVE A LONG HISTORY OF HIRING SMART SGTRONG WOMAN SUCH AS JENEE, CHRISTI BRADKNOX, DONNA DELIVVA, CHELSEA THE INTERN, AND AUDRY JAPBRUN. EACH WOMAN SO STRONG WITH HER OWN UNIQUE PERONNALITY!
WELL IT JUST GOES TO SHOW WHOM REALLY HAVE LOVE FOR WOMAN
PFFRRR. SHE’S EDITING OUT DISPARAGING COIMMENTS ABOUT HER
good luck with that
terrible idea. please, get this haughty cunt out of here. you, your friends, your cooches and the lousy, infantile paintjob on your nails, are not nearly as interesting as you’d like to think and i just puked into my cornflakes that i was about to eat for dinner. thanks.
godspeed, arv.
and what’s so wrong with politics? this is the only place i get it from….
Seriously, though. Nice rack.
Hi Jenee,
Am I the only one who cares what this bird looks like? Your the editor of a boy’s club website. Surely you can pat your belly and rub your head at the same time?
Sack up and show the face. If not, I will forever think of you as one of those twits at the OWS in the guy fawkes mask, can’t respect. wha wha
you’re
Way to entice us with your friends cooches. Politics seems much more hygienic than yeasty messes.
The new editor started one post calling everyone faggot, and the next calling everyone nigga. How edgy and cool. I don’t like this bitch. Pay the old guy more money so he stays. PS I want politics as well as boobs
I don’t check this site too often but this bitch just ensured a few less hits each week. First off, if you are a full time blog editor you should take control of your own life before ‘taking over’ ours and get a real fucking job. Second, if I want to see twat on the internet I’m going to the pros, who the fuck is wanking to the street boners? Third, enlisting the help of your half wit friends and brother ‘he’s a punk in med school’ (do you see how retarded that sounds?) is only going to further degrade the quality of an already low brow web site. Seriously though, Vice already has a column where some chick talks about cooters and why bitches be acting crazy, porn is everywhere, you aren’t edgy or brave and we all know what kind of ‘grooming’ was going on in the back room for the last few weeks so why don’t you hop off your high horse and try not to fuck this site up too bad.
Arv Sux Cox.
(I’ll miss you buddy).
see ya matey, thx for everything.
Where’s my t-shirt? I want my t-shirt.
oh good, a woman looking for male approval. you go, girl. just go.
but maybe this is all just a joke. it’s too cliche. it’s just a joke.
hello. I like this. I also like funny politics on here!
Need some time to process this… Hiatus time. Although I am really excited. Just overwhelmed?
MY NIGGA ARV.
SHIT, BLOG GAME STRESSFUL.
did some dude just diss a girl’s nail job? yep… 2011… *sigh* oh yeah, nice chesticles.
@THE ORIGINAL normal GUY Ian Mackay wasn’t in black flag
p.s. Dan Savage already coined the “hey faggot” thing
I agree with fake me. The more the merrier my sad, angry friend
for reals?
dear jenny
this is probably fake, but trying to be cool with swears in law school is lame. we know you’re not wagging your tits around and yelling “cuntcuntcuntcooch” while getting on westlawnext to lazily research your stupid law review paper on electronic surveillance and the implications of u.s. v. jones. no, you’re doing the work and checking your stupid “informal writing voice” at the door.
so fuck you, fuck the fact that you are in law school and your brother is in med school and you’re both so upper-middle class but cool about it, fuck the calculated humor you emit from the far-too-attractive-to-really-be-perceptive body you got there and fuck the far superior opportunities that life seems to have granted you, instead of me, from this very distant vantage point of 1 a.m. los angeles on a wednesday night with a paper due in the morning. this is not what i want to be reading about – i mean really, another big titty broad with the world’s balls in her mouth, 4th wave feministing a half-hearted erection out of my neglected penis and distracting me from writing about lawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww….
unless this is another calculated fake. in which case i must politely ask the faceless thousand typewriter monkeys on the other end of this lcd monitor to stop raping my emotions.
This woman is awful. Tried much too hard. Get Ben Leo to be the editor. He’s the only decent writer here including Gavin.
nice rack, lets see that butterface!
I’m kind of feeling the linebacker shoulders.
Aaaayyy did she just cal me a faggot?
bon voyage Arv, hi Jenée.
Don’t fuck up this site, I come here everyday. Faggot.
Gross. I probably won’t be friends with you.
Bye Arv.
she a chickenhead
hire amy kellner. pleeeeeeease. i need some more chicken-soup for my soul. all these other magazines don’t care, but amy does. and she’s not using curse words to be funny. she just is.
AAAAAAAAMY, I MIIIIIIIISSSSS YOU!
Politics or GTFO
i just posted on Ben’s piece and got this message:
‘Your comment is awaiting moderation. ”
WTF is this shit?
It’s now showing this – http://i.imgur.com/A0kHb.jpg
I wrote “Death to the New Cunt” and the wording has been changed to “I have a rash on my cunt”.
…..and now my comments on this thread are awaiting moderation too.
“niccolo and donkey Says: Your comment is awaiting moderation.
It’s now showing this – http://i.imgur.com/A0kHb.jpg
I wrote “Death to the New Cunt” and the wording has been changed to “I have a rash on my cunt”.
11.17.11 at 6:52 pm “
It’s a pleasure to meet you,Jennae!! What’s up with that cookie.
fuck yeah!
Arg, fuck! i really liked Arv’s shit around here. keep him on if u can. but that’s because i have no taste, plus he published me
thx
Arv was cool – women can’t read.
tits r photoshopped btw
also the ‘tits’ stuff around here is the weakest shit on this site
its like your kryptonite
like a ‘lads magazine’ circa 1996
if yr gonna post ‘hot girls’ u should start talking about the band oasis
im going to go beat off now