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The sad, probing face pictured above is that of an Englishman named Andrew Wardle. What’s even sadder is that he’d be utterly incapable of probing you with his penis.
Andrew, you see, was born without a penis. He has testicles—after all, he has the balls to tell the world he’s dickless—but not a whit of a schvantz. In other words, he’s all potatoes and no meat. Some may say it makes him more of a man to admit this to the world. Yet others—probably the overwhelming majority—say it doesn’t make him a man at all.
God, either in his infinite wisdom or his boundless sadism, created Andrew this way. This condition affects only one in every 20 million males, which would roughly translate to seven or eight males in the USA, all of them Street Carnage commenters.
Andrew’s condition proved so humiliating for his mother, she gave him up for adoption when he was 17—right at the moment that most males walk around limping from an eterna-erection.
But even without his natural-born musket, Andrew soldiered on. He claims, perhaps dubiously, that he has bedded over 100 women, many of whom did not react with feminine grace and discretion:
One girl actually punched me in the face! Another girl I lived with for a year cheated on me. Whenever I told them it was a bit of a passion killer. It was horrible, I took more drugs to block out my feelings and they made me more depressed.
Two years ago, Andrew tried killing himself with an overdose of pills, but he couldn’t even close that deal.
But now, alas, there’s hope for the brooding 39-year-old Limey. Andrew is facing a series of operations that will graft tissue from his arm in order to create a penis from scratch. The operation is not 100% foolproof, though—many things can go wrong, and if they do, you can bet your nonexistent penis that we’ll report on it.
He wasn’t 17 when he was adopted, his MOTHER was.
Not to sound like a fag or anything, but am I the only one who kinda wants to see what he’s been working with all this time?
he looks like phil collins
perhaps thats why all of his songs have a defined live between love and anger
This article makes me sick. You make me sick. It doesn’t take much to make me sick. That’s because I’ve lived a pampered and sheltered life. Your ‘humour’ only masks your ignorance. In short, I’ve lived my entire life with a severe case of penis envy.
Nothing will come of nothing.