David Berkowitz then…
David Berkowitz, AKA "Son Of Sam," known mainly for killing people with guns, has come out in favor of gun control.
Excuse me? Let me see if I got this straight.
Do as I say, not as I do, I guess?
Mind your own beeswax, Berkowitz. Do we go around saying there needs to be more shiv regulation where you live?
If you asked him his position on gun control in 1977, it would have been, "Guns don’t kill people, people kill people."
So we’ve heard!
If I remember correctly, he was going around shooting people at random because his neighbor’s dog, Sam, told him to.
CU-ckoo! CU-ckoo! If my neighbor’s dog, Greg, could talk—and he can’t—I’m not doing a damn thing he says anyway.
If Greg said to me, "Shift, need you to go on a killing spree," I’m saying, "Didn’t I just see you humping the mailman’s leg? But you’ve got good ideas, too?"
Do I tell him how to lick his balls?
Your neighbor’s dog should never be your go-to destination for sage advice.
And if your neighbor’s dog DOES tell you to shoot up the place, maybe get a second opinion. Check with the goldfish.
The other side of that coin is, if Berkowitz couldn’t get his mitts on a gun back in the late 70s, he would have had to throw the bullets at people.
Causing a lot of people around New York to go, "Tha FUCK, man!?"
But at least they’d still be alive. And Berkowitz woulda got his ass kicked, which is long overdue.
"OW! HELP! SAM! WHAT DO I DO NOW?" Maybe seek some professional help. From someone on two feet.
And what does Sam have to say about gun control?
"Society has to take the glory out of guns. Young people have no business carrying a gun. If you’re packing a gun, you’re making a big mistake, and you’ll regret it."
Oh, what a coincidence. Same as Berkowitz. Why don’t you just lift your leg on our Second Amendment rights, Fido? And there needs to be free government-issued Milk-Bones® for all dogs, right? Right?
In a week where Elton John called Madonna a c**t and the Obama campaign essentially called Mitt Romney a murderer and 50 Cent called Kim Kardashian "tr*sh" presumably just to hurt Kanye West’s feelings and I’m assuming Bill Maher told someone or other that the Founding Fathers would have hated their f*cking guts and a friendly restaurant chain was hatefully accused of hate-mongering, it’s a little disconcerting that the calm voice of reason was a soft-spoken notorious serial killer in a maximum-security prison whose life coach is a Cocker Spaniel.
…and David Berkowitz now!