It doesn’t take a pre-cog to see what happens next.

One thing that’s hard for Gavin and I to remember as we get older is to not act like dumb, condescending fucks.

Here’s an example:

Let’s say we’re at a bar having a pint of Guinness and we look over and see a 19-year-old kid getting blown by two white girls. They’re laughing hysterically while they snort coke off his rod, slurp up each other’s spit from his dick, and take turns deep-throating him after each rail to try and scratch the coke-drip out of the back of their throats with his cock head.

Now, our NATURAL reaction to this scene would be to shout at the kid:

“WHOA whoa whoa whoa, little man:

Number 1) Always make ‘em snort from the base of the balls—I know it’s romantic to make ‘em snort it off the rod itself, I know it feels like you’re Dash Snow, but the fact is, that shit will numb your cock and you’ll end up barely feeling the blowjob(s).

Number 2) I know you grew up seeing white girls in magazines, but you’ll wanna try Asians for a job like this. And that’s only assuming you can’t get a black girl—once you feel that lower lip, you won’t be spending your money on these New Jersey broads.

Number 3) You’re spilling coke all over the place and money doesn’t grow on trees. Get this shit neatened up and then go and help your mother straighten up the front room before your grandparents get here.”

NOW, because Gavin frequently gets recognized, especially in Williamsburg, this kid’s reaction would likely be high-fives and laughter. What the kid’s reaction SHOULD be is the following:

“Yo, fuck you, grandpa:

Number 1) Who the fuck is Dash Snow?

Number 2) What the fuck are magazines?

Number 3) I’m getting a coke blowjob from two girls. You had your muthafuckin’ run; now let me get my dick sucked and you get back to your ugly old wives and Breaking Bad and your game of online pinochle, you old-ass, Muppet-lookin niggas.”

He’d be right! You gotta let people live and make their own wins and their own mistakes. If your goddamn life is so great, get to livin’ it and don’t tell kids what the fuck to do.

So it was with this sentiment that I restrained myself from condescension during my GChat with a younger friend of mine on Tuesday, an unemployed 22-year-old who was personally evicted from Zuccotti Park by Mayor Bloomberg’s forces at 2 in the morning:

“Everything OK physically?” I asked.

“y, all good”

He was in a very intense frame of mind, so I refrained from saying condescending and unfunny shit like, “I know it’s not important, but when the cops were closing in, what did you do with the weed?”

To summarize his (perhaps legitimate) head trip: He’s been the victim of a violent, unconstitutional, fascist crackdown. He and his family (he lived with these guys for a month) are the only possible solution of fixing this country and this planet. Every eye in the world is focused on him.

Intense, but fairly predictable.

However, then he said something at the end of the chat that flipped the script 90 degrees clockwise:

“Whatever, you know, it’s just…this is how movements turn violent.”

It hit me like a ton of dicks.

Look at the Occupy Wall Street kids: Apart from press coverage of token OWS-supporting grandmas holding Good Morning America-style signs, the movement is made up of young kids who grew up in the era of Columbine and 9/11. In their hearts, they know what gets the WORLD’S attention: killing a whole bunch of people in spectacular fashion.

SPOILER ALERT: Here’s what the next five years have in store:

1. “Fringe” members of Muslims Occupy Wall Streeters execute a spectacular attack on at least one Wall Street institution: They blow up a Mario Batali‘s restaurant at lunch, poison the East Hampton water supply, or drive a truck bomb into a Park Avenue residential building.

2. The US Government turns its Patriot Act microscope on OWS, profiling young hipsters and creating a social division which makes Y2K Muslim marginalization look like Woodstock ’95.

[CENSORED BY JENÉE FOR BEING TOO FUCKING BORING]

–Follow The Ben Word on Twitter.

ATTENTION NEW SC EDITOR:

I appreciate the new energy you’re bringing to our site. Change is healthy. Also, don’t tell me what to write about and not write about. I wanted to write about politics today, so that’s what I did. Not sure where SBTVC found you, but stay the fuck away from my posts and we should get along fine.

I’d appreciate it if you took this message out before posting.

Welcome aboard!

UPDATE: Oh shit! OWS is going off right now!

Related posts:

1. SPOILER ALERT: #OCCUPYWALLSTREET’S ECONOMIC CHARTER
2. CLASSIC WALL STREET PRANKS
3. WALL STREET JOURNAL: THE NATURIST
4. INTERVIEW ABOUT #OCCUPYWALLSTREET WITH SOMEONE WHO WORKS ON WALL STREET
5. ARE YOU SMARTER THAN A WALL ST. OCCUPIER?