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I’m very mad at Hurricane Isaac because it didn’t destroy more of Florida this week.
This oozing herpes sore of a state, this endlessly looping Möbius strip mall, this sun-murdered stucco nightmare, is comprised only of geriatrics on painkillers and retarded gangsta thugs who rob the geriatrics of their painkillers. Why is everyone in pain? Because they live in Florida.
Everything in Florida tastes of roach spray and stinks of cancer. This flat shit-swamp suffers the same transient sort of cultural vacuum as Southern California because nearly everyone was born somewhere else and then made the ill-informed decision to flee there and embark upon an idle life of petty crime and eating one another’s faces. It is rootless and soulless. Florida is Southern California with insects.
“Palmetto bugs,” those giant flying roaches, those repugnant creatures whose very existence proves there is no God, feel perfectly at home in Florida. So does the human insect Casey Anthony and millions of party-retardy sunburned human shitstains.
This woman is proud of Florida, and Florida is proud of this woman:
Oh, did I mention they have oranges? In case I didn’t, yeah, they have oranges. But you can get those anywhere.
Let’s feed Florida back to the gators, one resident at a time.
I get shitbag comments out of Floriduh. Trapped in sunny hell much.
Florida would be better with more Jim Goads…but he’d never want that or want to save the state so it’s a moot point.
This column made me smile!
Florida can be rad, I’ve had killer times there. hating states is really cool though. I’m going to start hating uhhh… uh… ummm… Virginia. look at me! ol’ Virginia hatin’ me!!! WHEEEEEEEE!!!!
When I used to watch “Cops” on TV, it seemed that half of all episodes were somewhere in Florida.It seems if you walk more than 10 minutes in a straight line anywhere in Florida, you end up in a “bad” part of town, which you find out from you hospital bed two days later.
I wish ~85% of the people here would leave.
And if everyone who wasn’t born here left it would be just that.
I’m from Florida…but I did move away for better opportunities sooooooooooooooooo :/
“geriatrics on painkillers and retarded gangsta thugs” Sounds like Brooklyn, which is a better place to watch burn.
you always hear about the oranges being good and you see them being bigger in those red mesh bags but then they’re like not at all
You forgot about the chain smoking frenchies from quebec that flock there in sandles and black socks to air out their sagging balls in fleur de lis speedos … It also sucks because of them.
As a Florida-raised escapee, I am offended by your positive portrayal of Florida; it’s much worse than you’ve described.
We be proud of clorine brown. As you can see she can be axed anything about the florida gator and she nos what it are you be talkin bout. Her daughter done got caught takin a Marsaydees Beens and clorine bee caught axing Jacksonville to fix her house after the storm what came through. They sho bee a talented family
fucktards- you are obviously too poor to live anywhere nice