July was the gayest month of 2012.
Yes, I know the NYC Pride Parade was in June, but between fast-food companies telling people where God doesn’t want us to put our dicks and celebrities telling us where they’ve been putting theirs, I think July is taking the rainbow flag for 2012. First Anderson Cooper surprised no one with his big coming-out announcement, and then Sally Ride went all Machiavelli by letting everyone know, post-mortem, what launched her into the stratosphere. Rainbow Oreo-sandwiched between those two bits of news, however, came a surprise for hip-hop fans. Frank Ocean, the singer who does hooks for Tyler the Creator and Odd Future, came out of the closet.
Unlike Anderson Cooper’s “The fact is, I’m a silver daddy” announcement, there were no emails to Andrew Sullivan, write-ups on The Daily Beast, or massive tidal waves of trending hashtags washing over the Twittersphere. Instead, Ocean delivered his message through this weird-ass post on his blog.
For the most part, Odd Future’s Tumblr presence is annoying as hell. Tyler the Creator can’t write a post that isn’t all caps or initial-capped, has no idea how to use an ellipsis, and hasn’t mastered the art of getting to the fucking point. Plus, almost every photo of them is taken in that ubiquitous amateur shitstagram style. Frank Ocean’s coming-out post is no exception to this “Let’s try to annoy the shit out of our fans to see if they’ll stick around” rule.
What the fuck, man? You couldn’t copy and paste that text instead of taking a screenshot on your Macbook? Why the fuck is your sensitive free-form love poetry in all caps? FOR THE LOVE OF COCKS, PLEASE STOP SHOUTING, DIPSHIT! I actually had to type this entire thing out in sentence case and reread it to myself in order to make any sense of it. However, as irksome as I find Frank Ocean’s methods, I’m thrilled to see a burgeoning R&B artist tell us that he prefers the company of gentlemen. Since time immemorial (the 80′s), Rap music has been filled to the brim of its own Kangol with angry, testosterone-fueled gay-bashing. You would expect it from the thugs and gangstas, but even proto-backpacker good guys like A Tribe Called Quest showed no love for batty boys. Here’s an unreleased clip of the Tribe taking shot after shot at gay men. Phife even rhymes “Adam and Eve” with “Adam and Steve.” It’s next-level shit.
Rap’s anti-gay legacy and Frank Ocean’s Tumblr bombshell has me thinking about what hip-hop should look like in the coming years. The answer is: It should be gay as fuck. I wish an army of Mickey Avalons would descend on them with the fury of a thousand Village People on meth. I want to see the flaming gay equivalent of 2 Live Crew on the cover of XXL magazine, complete with an Uncle Luke analogue palming the asses of several portly, hairy, middle-aged bears in neon G-strings.
OK, I don’t actually want to see that, but, you know, I think it would bring some karmic balance to the universe. Is there a chance that anything even close to this will ever happen? Is hip-hop going to be experiencing a sea change any time soon? Well, guys like Fat Joe are scared of a “Gay Mafia” that secretly runs the rap industry, so it just might happen.
Whether he’s sincere or he’s just trying to please the Gay Illuminati, I’m feeling what not-so-fat Joe is saying. Isn’t hip-hop really about just being who you are and not giving a fuck what anyone has to say about it? So if there’s any more rappers or R&B singers out there who are hiding who you are, be like Frank Ocean and rep your fuckin’ set. Let the guns pop, let the poppers pop, and make them boxer briefs drop for gay hip-hop.
Frank Ocean, standing out on the streets and being gay. And by “gay,” we mean “homosexual” rather than “happy,” because quite frankly, he looks rather disgruntled here—not that there’s anything wrong with it! Not everyone needs to be gruntled all the time.