I watched Idiocracy the other night and realized halfway through the movie that Mike Judge is a modern-day Nostradamus.

When I saw the movie in one of the very few theaters where it played back during its initial release in 2006 I thought it was just OK. There were a few laughs, but like most of Mike’s stuff he is so many years ahead with his social commentary that at the time it kind of makes sense until you watch his work a few years later.

Idiocracy depicted a dystopian world 500 years in the future. The only thing that Mike Judge got wrong is that it all came true only six years later.

Here’s the “Judgestradamus Effect” for Idiocracy and how scenes from the movie translate to where society is today.

PROPHECY #1. The process of “natural selection” is something of the past, and rewarding those who procreated the most is considered the norm. The opening starts with a skit about the breeding and overpopulating of low-IQ white-trash retards who keep foolishly and drunkenly procreating without thinking about the financial risks of raising children in today’s society, because in their minds at the end of the day the government will basically just give you money to raise your kids, or in today’s case, some network will offer you a reality TV show. There’s a married couple in the intro skit with high IQs who go over the legitimate reasons as to why they should not raise children in society today due to financial risks, and the decline of civilization in general, and with an ironic twist of fate the woman is unable to get pregnant due to her high-IQ husband’s low sperm count. He dies of a heart attack while jerking off trying to produce sperm.

JUDGESTRADAMUS EFFECT: Mike Judge predicted the overpopulating of America and the ones responsible for glamorizing it (minus minority groups who are responsible for putting the whites as the minority now). He predicted Octomom/Jon & Kate Plus 8/Kardashians…and the one that makes my blood boil the most is that fucking pig retard Honey Boo Boo and her family. Seriously, how the hell did this family become “America’s new family?” Their show even beat out the RNC in ratings last month. Its sad we live in a society where people choose to watch a show about a borderline mom with borderline Down syndrome make sugar-water cocktails for her piglet kid than watch politicians to try and save America. I saw about 10 minutes of this show and literally prayed for humanity and almost canceled Time Warner. The mom can barely put a sentence together, and when she does it usually ends in a burp or fart, she looks like a white version of Shrek, has borderline Down syndrome, and her body and face are something that only a black man could love. Her spawn, “Honey Boo Boo,” will most likely have onset child diabetes by age six, so hopefully Child Protective Services are watching this show and how her mother spoon-feeds her sugar in Red Bull with a candy chaser, and they’ll come in and rescue this kid before she goes into a diabetic coma on television. Also on the show there are around three pregnant daughters and a dad who’s more clueless and disconnected with reality than Chris Jenner from the Kardashian show. Plus on top of all the pigs this family already raises, they raise an actual pig.

The one question I’ve been bringing up more than ever recently after seeing the bombardment interest from everyone with this Honey Boo Boo and her mom is, “How old is too old to be aborted?’”

PROPHECY #2. The president in Idiocracy is played by Terry Crews. He’s the blackest, coolest ex-porn star who cares more about his public image, his cool-guy friends, broads, parties, and being on TV than he does about actually doing anything for his country unless someone comes in and forces him to take charge (like when Luke Wilson forces him to grow crops). He’d rather be the center of attention for what he’s doing to bump his cool factor than actually doing something to improve his country.

JUDGESTRADAMUS EFFECT: There was never a black president in office till 2008. Idiocracy came out in 2006, which means Mike Judge wrote it probably in 2003-04; hell, maybe even 2001. He foresaw Barack Obama, America’s first cool-guy black president who cares more about his public image, thousands-of-dollars-a-plate fundraiser dinners with celebrities, and would leap at the opportunity to go on late-night talk shows to show he’s hip with the people rather than actually doing anything for the country. Minus the muscles, ex-porn career, and using “shit, bitch, and fuck’ in a sentence, you basically have Obama.

PROPHECY #3. “Trash rules everything around us, C-R-E-A-M, get the money dolla dolla bill y’all.” A pileup of trash is the reason for the Great Trash Avalanche of 2505. Landfills filled the oceans, housing was built on top of landfills, and the amount of shit consumed was tossed out of windows to pile up forever to create a visible wasteland of a country.

JUDGESTRADAMUS EFFECT: People in China today are literally living on top of trash and kids use landfills as their playground. I was watching a MSNBC special report the other day on JetBlue about China’s increasing trash problem and how the Chinese government literally has nowhere to dispose of rubbish anymore, so they started opening up more landfills 40 miles or so out of the city and the wealthy began privatizing landfills much like wealthy Americans privatize prisons for financial gain. There is so much garbage being consumed and tossed out, but there’s not enough room. The government has offered cheap land for people to live on and tend crops—only one catch, your property starts at the edge of one of the largest toxic landfills. I guess this explains why Chinese people have such bad teeth. Also, walk around Bushwick—it’s basically an open-air trashcan. People just throw garbage bags on the street, let cars rot in the street, and I can’t say I’ve ever seen a Puerto Rican put their trash into a garbage can, even when they are standing next to them. It’s like they were never taught, just like how people in Idiocracy dealt with their trash.

PROPHECY #4. Scientists were too busy figuring out cures for prolonged erections and hair loss than actually figuring out how to solve the simplest problem—where to put trash.

JUDGESTRADAMUS EFFECT: Just watch commercials any time of the day. Scientists haven’t figured out a cure for AIDS yet, but they can stop herpes with a phone call, there’s a yogurt to help you shit regularly, better boner pills for old men, medication to prevent you from killing yourself, and a cure for just about everything else.

PROPHECY #5. Television in general. A few of the reality TV shows being watched by Dax Shepard on his toilet couch in Idiocracy was a show called OW! MY BALLS! on the Violence Channel.

JUDGESTRADAMUS EFFECT: See also Jackass and Rob Dyrdek’s Ridiculousness. I had to wikipedia Rob Dyrdek to see what his show was called and discovered that he owns a title in the Guinness Book of World Records for largest skateboard and his bodyguard, “Big Black,” owns the Guinness Book of World Records title for most bananas peeled and eaten and most powdered donuts eaten in a set period of time. His show consists of clips from YouTube of people injuring themselves and crushing their nuts with a live audience laughing. If this doesn’t say anything about what network execs deem to be quality programming, it makes me want to give up. I’ve been in development with a TV show for the past year, finally pitching it and getting notes. It’s sad when I come home after working nonstop on a script’s format, character development, writing jokes and complex story lines with another writer, only to turn on TV to relax at night only to flip through the channels and discover all the programming is  godawful reality shows such as Ridiculousness, or pregnant teenagers, drunken rich white women fighting about why someone never showed up to a birthday party in Aspen, people who collect so much junk they literally sleep on it, and wives of basketball players who are speaking a language Rosetta Stone can’t figure out. The other night I was stoned and watching a show about people who put parking boots on cars, who tow cars due to neglected parking tickets and write parking tickets. Makes me want to give up.

PROPHECY #6. A hybrid of different languages to make up the universal language.

JUDGESTRADAMUS EFFECT: I have no clue what language people are speaking these days. It’s all a hybrid of text slang and ebonics. Just listen to rap or eavesdrop on a conversation between teenagers and you will agree with me—the English language is dead, just go to any bank, deli, café, or hospital to realize that no one speaks English anymore. I had to learn Spanish when living in LA to order coffee from Starbucks, which is the whitest establishment in America. In the next few years we will all speak this language of “ebonitext.”

I can go on and on about how Mike Judge predicted the future of things to come in Idiocracy but I’m also getting depressed writing this article. Here’s a few more examples that need no real “Judgestradamus Effect” answer to because they are pretty self-explanatory and you’re a complete retard if you can’t figure the “Judgestradamus Effect” answer for yourself.

…Anyone can anyone can earn their medical degree, law degree, nurse certificate, or political degree from Costco.

…Water is something in your toilet, not something you drink. ALL water has electrolytes and the company behind this can literally control everything in society, including the stock market and the growing of crops.

…Carl’s Jr. runs everything food-related.

…Rather than talk and reason, cops just pepper-spray you for asking simple questions.

….Tattoos are needed are used to track you much like RIFD chips.

…Corporations and pharmaceutical companies run everything. Costco is the marketplace of the world and corporate logos are on all clothing. You can also get a handjob anywhere in the future.

Now go watch Idiocracy on Amazon.

—BRENDAN DONNELLY

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