I’m not saying something to shock you. To be honest, I don’t really give a shit what you think of my thoughts.
And this assumption that it pays to offend is absurd. Jim Gaffigan makes a fuck of a lot more money than Peter Sotos. Being a “provocateur” or a “contrarian” isn’t some ploy to blow your mind. It’s just someone saying what’s on their own mind. The fact that you find it offensive, well, that’s on you.
As our own Jim Goad put it in Shit Magnet…
“Sorry, Gumdrop, but you aren’t so important in my cosmos that I’d expend any effort trying to bruise your feelings. Hate to break it to you, but you have nothing to do with why I wonder all these things. You could walk out of the room at any time, and I’d keep wondering.”
Hit it, me…
The unfortunately named Nadra Kareem Nittle recently penned a popular article instructing the ignorant about how to deal with “racist” relatives. The article was so gay that I couldn’t finish it, but it brought up a much more important question: What do you do with a family full of libtards?
If you’re a black conservative who’s sitting down with relatives for a holiday dinner, opening your mouth could lead to a lynching. Not accepting Obama as the messiah is as blasphemous as putting on a Michael Bolton record. You will be accused of doing it for “shock value.” I don’t know a lot about being a black conservative, but I do know a lot about this ridiculous “shock value” accusation. Here’s a shocker: It’s a myth.
When people use this term, I think what they’re really saying is they have become so used to being preached to by the converted, they are shocked that anyone would think differently. They are oblivious to any other opinions. It reminds me of what psychologists call “perceptual blindness,” which is the “failure by a person to notice some stimulus that is in plain sight.” As the story goes, the Indians were so confused by Columbus’s ships on the horizon, their brains refused to process the image and therefore saw nothing but water. Well, I’m sorry Injuns of the world, but those ships were real.
I’m told that Michael Savage used to be a liberal but became conservative because it pays more. That was thirty years ago. He’d have to have no heart to be conservative back then. The same goes for Dennis Miller. He was a young man in an improv troupe. He didn’t flip flop for cash. He evolved. When Malcolm X went from militant racist to groovy liberal, did the brothers say he was only pretending? Well, no, they shot him.
The assumption that someone is saying something merely to get a rise out of someone else is so boring it makes me want to cry. The same goes for the assumption that someone is only spouting an opinion because he’s paid to say it. Libertarians are constantly accused of sucking the Koch dick, but if your opinions are so flaccid that anyone can buy them, nobody’s going to listen. If someone was so inclined to pretend to be someone they’re not, they’d become an actor or a salesman. Being offensive isn’t lucrative. It’ll lose you clients, cost you your job, and even suck you into a soul-crushing lawsuit.
A contrarian isn’t someone who randomly chooses the opposite position. He’s someone who doesn’t shy away when the facts bring him to an unpopular place.