Posted by
Gavin
• 06.12.12 01:06 pm 
I had this idea when I was baked the other night: What if you tried to write a poem about a wolf who fell in love with a sheep?
I happen to think poetry is the gayest thing in the world and I’m not sure I’ve ever enjoyed one poem my whole life so it would be funny to write a poem about a wolf and really, honestly try. I’m going to get Benjamin Leo and Lesley Arfin to do it too. We’ll print them all tomorrow and I’d like you to try it also. The harder you try, the funnier it is.
-GAVIN McINNES
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there once was a wolf from virginia
somthing seotmhing “gettin all up in ya”
sheep sheep sheepfucker
Roses are red
Violets are blue
This wolf fucked a sheep
And he’ll fuck you too
There once was a wolf named Virginia,
Lux Interior said I wanna get up in ya!
“say what you like,
Cause I am a dyke,
And I fuck only fleece in a pen, yeah.
Ugh.
Challenge accepted.
My life
Is a menagerie of being
Featured on dreamcatchers
That women with mullets
Buy at flea-markets
Her life
is a life of
being shaven
and eaten
I am a wolf
She is a sheep
Our love
Is like blasphemy
But I can’t deny it
No
We run like the wind
At night
Because our packs
Would not
understand our love
I look at her eyes
Shining in the moonlight
I can’t wait
To finish eating her intestines
wolf. sheep.
wolf. sheep.
wolf. sheep.
wolf. sheep.
wolf. peehs.
.
flow. peehs.
.
.
wolf. peehs.
flow. sheep.
flow. sheep.
.
wolf. sheep.
.
wolf. sheep.
wolf. sheep.
wolf.sheep.
wolf.peehs.
wolpfe.ehs.
wolf.peehs.
wolf.sheep.
.
wolfsheep.
crap, there was a lot more spacing to that.
Listen here young babes and boys,
to hear a tale of sorrow and strain.
Betraying your nature requires poise,
which is quite difficult to maintain.
From a high hill perch, a lone wolf spied
a creature fresh and new
Was it a sexy lupine bride?
No; a freshly shaven ewe.
“She’s not so different” the Wolf thinks
“Her skin looks soft and smooth.”
Down from his perch now he slinks
rapidly approaching her groove.
“She looks delicious; I sound absurd
Thinking she’ll be me bride”
But these good thoughts were barely heard
as he slipped himself inside
“OH MY!” this was the fuck of his life
Amazing the urges the sheep awoke
“We are in love! This is my wife”
Never noticing her dam of love blood had broke
The sheep came hard, and with a gush
That covered his coat with gore
And at that moment he felt a rush
Unlike those that came before
Into her neck he sank his teeth
before he could hold back.
The true self that lied beneath
had overpowered his sack.
While he ripps and wails
and cries and chews,
his true love has gone and set her sails,
and his balls are left bright blue.
Her crystalline bleat
audible gnashing of long teeth
her body shear’n short in summer heat
piles of carrion entrails we did eat
her oblong pupils my eyes did meet
pack or flock, flock or pack
apart from our kind, a silent pact
as she spun the wool from her teat
I promised it was not her sweet meat that I would eat
.
.
Canis lupus and ovis aries
together let us make Ovilupus Canaries
for female and male are one of the few traits we share, see?
.
.
Just make sure Ms. Arfin goes out of her way to include some black sheep in hers.
The wolf embarks under cover of night
Guided by the glowing of distant light
The sheep retires to her place of rest
She will sleep the night away
unless
a fierce wolf wakes her from her sleep!
Oh! Please be careful my little sheep
The wolf approaches silently
Creeping between the swaying trees
When in the distance he does see
What his heart declares
The bee’s knees!
The Beautiful Confusion
The sun was setting when I saw her
a sheep as white as snow
her wool illuminated by the light
but I am a wolf
how could this be?
mesmerized by this beautiful confusion
I strolled past her
hoping to be near her
but she ran
what was I to expect?
a lone wolf
alone
I ran as fast as I could
to the forest of solitude
Howling
the entire moon, the stars
reflected in my tears
i am a wolf, you are a sheep
you are a virgin, i am a slut
i count you like my t-cells before i sleep
turn around so i can howl in your butt
screaming AIDS between your cheeks
my voice goes so deep, into your gut
my wolf dick twists, we are ass to ass
stuck in our loving embrace
sheep can’t say no, so this isn’t rape
you can not escape, and this will not pass
we are in love, we are ass to ass
my wolf dick so big, i wear you like clothes
my wolf dick sperm shoots out your nose
i love you enough to devour you whole
my wolf dick so deep, i’m inside your soul
Fuuny shit kids.
Sometimes the deafening sound of the city can leave me feeling like a lost wolf
Fearful and caught in the open amongst the most disgusting humans that are never deserving to see an animal so lost yet so free and void of the meritorious banter that clambers from there greed inspiring mouths
While fully indulged high on LSD I stared into a blacked forest full of wolves and felt fearless
Basically begging for them to fight me or accept me. Regardless if I was a sheep or just like them I stood there fearless just begging to be swept away by something greater than we understand. Acceptance or death I just wanted to feel something more than this life seems to give us
I wanted to run with the wolves or be destroyed like a sheep who was undeserved of there glory because the courage to stand out from the flock was just not there.
I personally know I’ve sang there songs, I’ve dreamt there freedom, and I howl and run with the wolves proudly passing the sheep of the world, and loocking eyes with them reminding them that they’ve never tasted the true test of freedom until you just let go.
I saw him first one sultry night
Some years ago in June
His wool shone dully in the night
‘Neath that summer moon.
His ovid eyes,
His chambered tum,
They all set me aflame;
I whispered softly to myself “Sean”
For ’twas his name.
I knew we never could be one –
Our love could never be be.
For I’m a wolf, a lupine miss,
Who ever wanders free.
Sean’s role in life is to stay close,
To huddle with his flock;
While I roam far o’er hill and dale
He fears the tumble from the rock.
The thoughts I think,
The lusts I have,
Run through me true and deep;
While Sean is thick as shit because –
Because he’s just a sheep.