If there is one universal truth nobody contends, it’s that beautiful people are dumb. They don’t need to study or read because everything gets handed to them on a silver platter. While the fat chicks are at home learning to be funny and the nerds are reading science textbooks …
If there is one universal truth nobody contends, it’s that beautiful people are dumb. They don’t need to study or read because everything gets handed to them on a silver platter. While the fat chicks are at home learning to be funny and the nerds are reading science textbooks learning to be smart, the beautiful people are out partying because beautiful people are invited to everything.
The problem with that is the notion that people are driven to books and humor and other non-aesthetic pursuits because of their lack of aesthetic appeal. If you’re not funny you can’t learn to become funny when you put on some weight. Nerds like science because they were born smart, not because they’re sitting in a room full of smart books with nothing better to do. People read because they’re interested. Is someone constantly saying, “Hey, you’re gorgeous, stop being curious about the world and come to this soiree”? No. There aren’t enough soirees in the day. So why are pretty girls (and men, beeteedubs — this used to be a strictly female phenomenon, but now that men can be models, they’re considered dumb too) — rather, why are blondes so stupid?
Here’s the deal: They aren’t. We just remember when they are because we expect more out of them. We’ve seen Humphrey Bogart and Marilyn Monroe and every movie star since be dynamic on screen so when an attractive person doesn’t dazzle us, we register our disappointment as a big, pissed off “idiot” in our brains forever. Everyone is pretty much dumb. If you were to close your eyes and randomly pick an American from any state in the union, you would be shocked at how dumb they are. Beautiful people reflect this statistic. They have an average IQ of about 100. You just register their stupidity more than you register the zit-faced teenager who packs your groceries or the old lady who sits next to you on the bus. Also, it doesn’t help that our inherent jealousy gets a real kick out of seeing them fail. That really drives it into the memory banks.
And another thing, most of your friends and the people around you are there because you feel you have something in common with them. When you have a beautiful person in your life it’s usually because you want to have sex with them and it’s usually only because they are particularly attractive. When this stranger is put up next to your close friends, he or she pales in comparison. The two hottest girls I ever dated (besides my wife, of course) were also the dumbest. I dated them almost solely based on my friends’ glaring approval. We were incompatible. What did I think was going to happen?
Now, why blondes? Well, for some reason I can’t quite figure out; the Northern European look is synonymous with the world’s idea of beautiful. “Britney Spears” is still the most googled term on the entire Internet. So, for now at least, “blonde” is the same as saying “beautiful woman” and I just explained why we think beautiful people are dumb. Once again, nature trumps nurture.
This is my theory and I’m sticking to it.