I took Jim’s advice and checked out the slums of North Philly. Gotta say, not so bad. Maybe I’ve been spoiled by Costa Rica but when I go to a slum, I want to see razor wire, crackheads, and broken windows. North Philly had a bunch of abandoned buildings but the ones that had people in them looked like Compton & Watts, that is to say, they had front yards and backyards and one of them even had a 1200cc touring bike. Nice try, America’s poor.
After gawking at the ghetto, we passed a gigantic park and saw a sign for Frisbee Golf. Sounds fun, right? One problem, we were with a guy who has spina bifida. Walking more than a block makes him puke with pain and we weren’t about to wheel him around for 18 holes so that was that. See, that’s the thing about a lot of these diseases. They have unknown victims that you don’t hear about on the telethons. The people around the handicapped suffer too.
So I decided to cure the guy using PMA. It basically worked (video pending). A lot of people in wheelchairs are just very negative people who don’t want to believe in themselves. I had this sucker on his feet in about 12 minutes rendering his tattoo meaningless.
We stopped at Geno’s and had the most patriotic cheesesteaks in the whole city. Geno’s attitude towards immigrants and Mumia made the food about ten times more delicious. I yelled out “Fry Mumia and fry me some onions while you’re at it” and 0.5 people laughed.
At the show, I had to kill about 90% of my jokes because there was a little kid with his dad right in front of me. I’d never done a clean set before and it went well if you’re not strict about laughing.
I signed some books after but I think signatures are gay so I mostly just do charicatures. I think these came out really good.
Anyway, this is happening in a few hours. Be there and be square!
-GAVIN McINNES
Gavin plz tell me what your white pants are? They fit so awesome!
“when I go to a slum, I want to see razor wire, crackheads, and broken windows”
I think you’ve got 2 out of 3 of those in Philly. They can’t afford razor wire.
I want to be there, in City of Brotherly Love!