Every time I see a photo of someone with a dopey grin hoisting an alcoholic beverage toward the camera, the message that comes across to me is, “This drink here is what God gave me instead of a personality.”
Sure, you’ll occasionally see some High Times-reading, hemp-peddling maroon posing with a joint hanging out of their maw as if it means something profound, but that’s exactly the point—they look like shmoes, too.
I get it—you drink. I mean, it’s not like anyone else does that or anything. So what’s next? Shooting up for the camera? Sticking out your tongue to show the blotter acid? Posing with a hamburger you’re eating? Showing the world your used condom like it’s a hunting trophy? Flashing your used toilet paper toward the camera to show the world that you’ve wiped your ass?
And why do their facial expressions always seem as if they think they’re doing something clever? “Dude, lookit me! I have a fuckin’ DRINK in my hand! Bet you’ve never seen that, huh? Dude, I’m about to git FUCKED UP, man!!!! Woo-hoo! Woo-HOO! Good times! Warm feelings! Summer nights! I’m partyin’! No, scratch that—I’m par-TAY-in’!!!! I’m-a get fucked up and fuck shit up! Fuck it! HAW! Fuckity fuck da fuck fuck fuck! Lookit my brewski, broski!”
Highly original and articulate, “dude.” I propose a toast: Here’s hoping you get paralyzed up to the neck in a car accident while driving home, forcing you to pose for pictures wearing a beer helmet for the rest of your life.
PS: In the comments, you are hereby commanded to share links to your fave pics of people looking stupid while hoisting drinks for the camera.