Today is Black Friday: the day where no one pays retail. Who came up with that name, Hellen Keller? So what’s Jewish Friday, then: a day of fried chicken and hoops?
Today is Black Friday: the day where no one pays retail. Who came up with that name, Hellen Keller? So what’s Jewish Friday, then: a day of fried chicken and hoops?
I’ve been very sensitive to names with the word “Black” in them ever since a high school professor made a kid stand outside our classroom for using the word “Blackball.” He was actually a very fair, devoted jazz teacher who was just trying to prove a point, though he got reprimanded by our uptight Parents Association for the rampage he unleashed on the kid:
“BLACKmail? BLACKball? You will NEVER hear me use those goddamn words. Howdja like it if I went round talkin’ bout I’mma Jew ya parents down when I go to buy a diamond ring?”
Listen, it was 1992, whaddya want? But still, it made a lasting impression on me—we should at least be aware of these fundamental metaphorical concepts upon which our society is structured.
- Why do witches and villains wear black?
- Why is a black cat bad luck?
- Why does white go first in chess?
- Black Market
- Black-Hearted
- Black Sheep
- Black Mark against you
- Black Cock in your girlfriend
I mean they’re SUBTLE, but they’re there.
To get to the bottom of this Black Friday business, I decided to call my uncle Morty who’s 83 years old and on a respirator. He owned a store on Flatbush in the 50s, so I figured he might be able to give me some insight into the most famous retail day in existence.
Also, it is very fucking hard to get phone time with this guy because he’s up for about three hours a day and is dying of emphysema. That’s why this post is late.
Before you call me a shitty nephew for fucking with the guy, you should realize that a) he lives to talk about the old days and b) he’s a bitter Jewish racist and doesn’t deserve a peaceful death.
“Uncle Morty?”
“…”
(Then I hear my aunt shout-whisper to him in the background: “THAT’S YOUR NEPHEW BENJY.”)
He takes a second…
“[then breathing into the phone] Hey, Benjy Leto Valdez, the west-side wetback! [COUGH hack.... wheeze].”
“Ha ha, how you feelin’, Uncle Morty?”
[we small-talk about bullshit for 45 seconds and he probably can't even hear me and doesn't care.]
“Hey, Uncle Morty, tell me about Black Friday!”
“Bouwha?”
“BLACK FRIDAY!”
“Oh… it’s shitty [pause...breathe...mumble...] they’ll never make it back.” (then I hear my aunt in the background and he stops and argues with her)
“Uncle Morty, I mean how did BLACK FRIDAY get its name?”
“How did it?”
“Yeah, how did Black Friday get its name?”
“Black Friday?”
“Yeah.”
[pause]
No answer, so I lead the witness: “Uncle Morty, is it from the schvartzes? Black Friday?”
“Schvartzes?” he asks, bewildered.
“Yeah, Black Friday.”
“No, not the schvartzes. Black Friday is uh. IN THE BLACK. You sell so much the day after the thanksgiving, you’re in the black. ”
Holy shit.
“Not in the red, in the black. Afta Thanksgiving, you’re in the BLACK. After Thanksgiving.”
Son of a bitch, I literally never thought of that. You can pretend YOU knew—but the fact is you’re lying. So Black Friday is named after the ONLY good thing America named after “Black”: IN THE BLACK.
Turns out I’m racist.
Follow TheBenWord on Twitter.
whoa.
Is it true black breasts make chocolate breastmilk? That would be another positive.
hahaha I will not front. I did not know.
Well I’ve been sitting here postponing work watching videos of fat Americans punching each other in a race for heavily discounted items and wondering what the fuck is this ‘Black Friday’.
I’m going to blackball this day and call it weak anyhow. Who sheds blood over a two dollar curling and iron or what have you?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_Friday_%28shopping%29#Origin_of_the_term
that whole “in the black thing” was invented to put a positive spin on wanton consumption
Black is inherantly evil because nightime is the most dangerous time of the day.
New low.
Fucking awful.
I’m sure you stole that black Friday joke because it’s too funny for you to have written.
Drippy dog dix, you honestly don’t realize how fucking racist you are???
i knew only cos my boss loaned me money and took a little out of every paycheck. when i paid him off he said, “good news, youre in the black.” then i knew what next black friday meant. so fuck you you ignorant fuck.
Black has a negative conotation because in ancient times a man would get a disease and his cock would go all gangrene, turn black and fall off. Hard to put a happy face on that, cowboy.
Black people bring such peace, prosperity, and technology to whatever nation they inhabit in large numbers, I can’t imagine why the word would ever get a negative connotation.
one time i thought a phrase meant one thing, but it turned out i was wrong.
black is back. Agree that Drippy Dog Dicks is now outed as a closet racist.
Satire or proof you never had the pleasure of working retail, something EVERYONE should have to do at least a year of their lives. Regardless, the people that comment here never cease to amaze me with how smart they think they are. Wit is awarded not something you strive for by commenting on a blog. Peons.
Something’s not kosher here.
Why I gotta get the broken one?
well seeing that alot of these things come from an older european context and most of them had never seen black people and were shit scared of the night because of witches, random thief killers etc., black as night was the basis of a lot things. daytime and light were safer and more preferable to the dark, black night. plus the black plague didn’t help in affirming that. also everything was dirty and disgusting as shit, so not much was, or stayed white. so white was obviously a sign of purity and good. i don’t think goths wear black out of racial solidarity…keep it old skool.
Americans are fucking crazy. How can you celebrate a holiday with consumerism? Don’t you realise you’re neglecting the true meaning of any form of celebration by putting the onus on what you buy and how much it costs?
ben, you are no racist, black is evil because Anthony Kiedis’ father is named Blackie Dammit.
Whew. That was close. Glad he’s not a racist because, you know, that’s a serious charge.
@Ice Q, whatever bro, One of the commandments Moses dropped and broke like the clumsy Jew he was said, “Thou shalt buy one and get one free”
Truth: this ig’nant Canadian was just asking yesterday “But what IS Black Friday? Did something bad happen on that day?” I didn’t feel bad ’cause no one could answer me. Now that I know, I just feel bad for America.
Also “__ is the new black”
Let’s call it ‘Ebony Friday’ then
Ice Q hit it right on the fucking head. Thanksgiving is not about buying tons of electronic crap at a discount. Thanksgiving is about eating like a pig and watching football.
did i jus read a serch verse
Ben Leo->provides quality entertainment
SC commenters->complain and brag
black rebel motorcycle club
God I hate black people.
There has to be a joke here about how you go from in the red (indian) to in the black the day after thanksgiving.
black people aren’t even black. they’re dark brown. someone just called them black and it stuck. they just as easily could have been called brown. but black has negative connotations because it represents darkness and darkness back in the day was terrifying. it makes perfect sense and has nothing to do with a race conspiracy. white has positive connotations because it represents light and in light there is less unknown. white people aren’t white either. they’re pink. so this whole black vs white issue is goddamn stupid.
i seriously hate this issue. buncha fucking idiots worrying about color. who fucking cares? you can’t measure a man on the color of his skin. that’s what your annual income is for.
Well once again the racists come out on Street Boners. You get a post like this which is actually fairly honest anf self-effacing aaaand then you get the audiences racial catcalls. Over their heads because theyre all too busy watching Morton Downey.
Black Label is also “good black”
African American Friday (?)
There’s actually been studies done with the effect skin colour has on people–little children don’t care one way or the other, but once they reach a certain age, people (of all skin colours) find darker skinned people threatening. Don’t ask me the details about this study, I just remember reading about it years ago and it stuck with me because I am not white, and I found it interesting that there may be an unconscious fear at work in some interpersonal relationships. So those saying that the pejorative aspects of ‘black’ result from a deep-rooted fear of the night may not be far off. Of course in this day and age we should be getting over that, but what can you do?
@taxi – yeah, i think this whole thing stinks of racism. i also don’t know about how honest this piece is. a jewish dude talks about what it is to use the word “black”? nah. don’t think this person could possibly begin to understand and therefore has no clout. so who cares what he thinks? this kind of article invites ignorant white racism that’s very thinly veiled as “edgy comedy” but these people are too stupid to know the difference.
when I was 13 or so a friend of mine told me that “black friday” was when they locked up all the black people so the whiteys could shop in safety. It was a formative experience for my shitty sense of humor.
Oops, disregard my comment. I was being a fucking uptight idiot, don’t know what got into me.
Again, my apologies.
Well, I KNEW!
why do they call it being “niggardly” when it obviously should be called “jewardly?” fact of the matter is that life is all a zionist conspiracy, led by the rothschilds, just ask alex jones.