Look at these fucking jerkoffs. Be objective: if you didn’t already know who they were, wouldn’t they just as likely be a pair of Snooki’s baby daddies? Coupla Seaside Heights greaseballs licking their chops to dive into some guidette pussy.
But lo; society has made them baseball heroes – IMMUNE to the conventional factors of assessment that govern normal earthlings.
And so it was that DEREK JETER and NICK SWISHER on Saturday Night, flew into a rage during game one of the ALDS when a state trooper asked them for their autograph:
In the top of the ninth inning of the Yankees’ 7-2 win in Game 1 of the American League Division Series against the Orioles at Camden Yards, the troopers asked Nick Swisher and Derek Jeter for autographs in the dugout.
“Swish was livid,’’ said a person who witnessed the stupid request.
Asked if that ever happened before, Jeter said, “What do you think?”
Hey Jeter and Swish, here’s a reality check: You guys are making fucking immoral salaries to play a child’s game. These troopers are putting their lives on the line for a living, and I guarantee they don’t make half of what you pay your actual butler.
Sign the fucking piece of paper and make these guys’ LIVES. Let them go home to their poor kids and have your fucking SIGNATURE to cherish, you hypnotized, entitled pieces of shit.
And if these troopers really asked at a majorly inopportune time, here’s a soundbite for you to try:
“Absolutely my brotha, tell you what – hang right right here for a second, lemme get outta the ninth and ill hook that up for you – don’t move, lemme get this done and we’ll hook you up in 5 minutes bro.”
Instead, you start acting like the guys fingered your baby sister. Squealing to the press, getting your panties in a twist like Tawana mf Brawley. Gimme a fuckin break.
Tweet this article, send it to Swish on twitter; these troopers deserve an apology.